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What is Blackout Drinking?

Mary McMahon
Updated Mar 03, 2024
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When someone drinks so much alcohol that he or she experiences amnesia in the morning, this is known as “blackout drinking.” As you might imagine, blackout drinking can be extremely dangerous, and it can be a sign that someone has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which needs to be addressed. After a period of blackout drinking, a person may feel confused, disoriented, or distressed because he or she cannot remember events of the previous evening.

Blackout drinking does not necessarily cause people to lose consciousness or “pass out.” Instead, high alcohol consumption temporarily interferes with the function of the brain, causing the brain to be unable to retain information in short term memory. Many people do lose consciousness at the tail end of a period of blackout drinking, but it is possible to do plenty of mischief while awake. Upon regaining consciousness, the drinker may not know where he or she is or what is going on.

There are two main ways in which blackout drinking can impact the memory. In some cases, blackout drinking results in a large chunk of “lost time,” and the drinker will be able to remember events before and after the missing block of memory. The skipped events in the middle are a clue that a blackout was experienced. It is also possible to lose only fragments of memory.

Because blackout drinkers lose all memory of the events which occur during a blackout, they are at serious risk. Women may find themselves taken advantage of and be unable to remember the event, for example, or someone may get into a fight and wake up confused about the injuries sustained. On a less serious level, a blackout drinker make a promise to do something or meet up with someone during the period of blackout and then fail to follow through, which can strain friendships.

The amount of alcohol required to induce a blackout varies, depending on someone's weight, mental status, and diet, among other things. Some people appear to have a genetic predisposition to blackout drinking which can be make them more susceptible, and even hardened drinkers can experience a blackout after consuming an amount of alcohol which they think is normal. Repeated blackout experiences are a sign that someone may be alcoholic, and he or she should seek counseling.

The Health Board is dedicated to providing accurate and trustworthy information. We carefully select reputable sources and employ a rigorous fact-checking process to maintain the highest standards. To learn more about our commitment to accuracy, read our editorial process.
Mary McMahon
By Mary McMahon

Ever since she began contributing to the site several years ago, Mary has embraced the exciting challenge of being a The Health Board researcher and writer. Mary has a liberal arts degree from Goddard College and spends her free time reading, cooking, and exploring the great outdoors.

Discussion Comments

By Cherymill — On Jan 23, 2015

I blackout drank a month ago and I still have the guilts. I have recently for the last 8 months have a series of them. I have them almost every time I drink and that I know of, because I get clips of a moment and it is hard to tell if it was a dream or really happened. I mean, I stay home to drink and then find I went out to a bar. Sometimes I call people and one time, told the neighbor to stop mowing all day. It is like a dream, but I must have done it. I had twigs in my hair from branches when I went to the path which connects us.

The bar thing I just remember they took my keys and I got them back when they were not looking and remember pulling out of driveway to go home. I don't remember going there or the time spent in there. I am really embarrassed about what I looked like and must have acted.

I don't know where it takes me. I do not drink regularly and only beer but I will drink a six pack most the time, not eating and do not drink with anyone. I was thinking of setting a timer and logging in the time every hour until I go to I go to bed. I'll see if this works and maybe breaks the cycle by me becoming aware of what I am doing. Any thoughts or did anyone ever video tape themselves?

By anon983559 — On Dec 31, 2014

I had a blackout four days ago when drinking. I'm sorry for it because I had many months without one. I feel so worried too.

By anon979044 — On Nov 23, 2014

I’m a 40 year old female and I’ve been drinking since I’m a teenager. I guess I’ve drunk way too much in the past 25 years. I simply loved to party. I lived to party. Blackouts used to be very occasional, but over the years they’ve become more and more regular and I’ve now come to the point where I black out every time I drink. I’ve never really liked strong alcohols and I’ve had to give up on wine (even though I’m French) about five years ago due to blacking out, but now I even black out on beer. I live in Germany where the beer is quite strong and I can’t hold it. My body just can’t process any booze anymore and the consequences are a total disaster. For a decade, I solved the problem by snorting cocaine, which kind of would wake and clear me up a bit. But now I really try to be way healthier and do not want to do it anymore.

I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore, only a couple of joints, and drink very rarely in an attempt to save my sanity, but every single time I do drink a little, I drink my first beer and I already think I want a second one, I drink the second one already thinking I want a third one and then there’s no stopping me. Next thing I know, I’m singing Shakespeare in the metro, speaking to every single stranger coming my way, kissing strangers, spending way too much money, etc., etc. I’ve lost friends, boyfriends, clothes, cameras, phones, wallets, keys, my dignity -- the list never seems to end -- and I’m scared for my health, even too scared to go to the doctor sometimes. Binge drinking, massive smoking and a few drugs. I’m 40 and I can’t say I’m proud of what I’ve achieved.

I’m so grateful I’m still alive, I’m so grateful I’ve never hurt anyone physically even though I can have a violent attitude sometimes. At least I don’t hit people (but my yelling can hurt just as much), but still, I’ve woken up in a stranger’s beds more than once, with many of my relationships being the result of what should have been just a forgotten, blacked-out, one night stand, and trust me: this is not necessarily a good thing at all.

I’ve been wasted and lost it in front of coworkers. I’ve been kicked out of bars, clubs and parties. I’ve been kicked out of a hostel after repainting it in black, including some guests’ faces, the ceiling the walls and the carpets while singing strange shamanic like incantations and skateboarding (yeah, I know, weird). I know how it feels not to remember a thing and try to figure out what happened by checking my credit card transactions during the night. I know how it feels on the day after, the guilt and the fear of being really nuts, how it feels when you don’t even get invited to parties anymore because people are too afraid you might ruin it.

I never fall down, I never get sick, and I have the most amazing guardian angel really, who’s always protected me. I am incredibly lucky. At least I do not drink and drive. I don’t drive at all, otherwise I’m pretty sure I’d probably be in jail by now, or dead, but I don’t want to push it, and it’s a huge relief to take the decision to simply not drink at all anymore. A weird decision, because a winter in Berlin without booze sounds like almost impossible, during those long night months, and I will miss all those crazy bars where I feel at home. I’ll miss these blissful moments when I’m just only slightly drunk and people think I’m hilarious, but I don’t have a choice. I have never felt any withdrawal symptoms from stopping alcohol. But if I drink just one beer, it will then suddenly be 5 or 6 a.m. and I won’t have a clue what happened during the four past hours, and I’ll cringe in horror just by checking out the texting and phone activity of the previous night. etc. etc. and you can’t say you are sorry 100 times and still repeat exactly the same mistake all over again.

To top it all off, many of the friends I still used to drink with in the past couple of years are also blackout drunks. I can’t say it’s all dark. We’ve honestly had serious fun and I don’t regret a thing. I just know the time has come to stop, because I scare myself and scare everyone every time I drink and I don’t want to live in hell. Friends have told me how I once sat at a window on the 17th floor at a party, while everyone was begging me to come down. I could have died in a fraction of second. I have put myself in incredibly dangerous situations numerous times and repeatedly. I honestly consider the fact that I’m still alive as a miracle, and so do the people who know me. Everyone thought I’d never make it to 30.

I wish to thank everyone who wrote something here, because on the day after a blackout night I always feel like I’m some kind of monster, so it really helps to read all your non-judgmental stories. People who have never blacked out can sometimes find it hard to believe you can’t remember anything, or would never act in such a way when you are sober, it just feels slightly better to see I’m not the only one and this blackout thing is actually affecting a crazy amount of people. Some people can drink moderately. Unfortunately it’s not my case, so I have no other choice than stopping it altogether. Booze, thank you for all these crazy years, now see you in another life. (Sorry this got so long).

By anon943996 — On Apr 05, 2014

I'm 20 and I've come to terms with the fact I’m a blackout drunk now. Last night, I think I got arrested briefly and tackled by police. I think I got in a fight, but I have no idea. I was covered in mud and bruises. I just have like 2 second glimpses of what's happened. I got in a taxi with no money. I have no idea where I went. I have a horrible feeling I went to the gay dude’s house whom I had a house viewing with earlier in the day. I have no idea, but he's not replying to me so I hope not.

But it just happens so unexpectedly. Blacking out always starts out as a casual drink, then I just get crazy and turn into another person, get violent, lose everything. It's annoying. Apparently I don't even look that drunk. I can hold a full conversation just like a walking zombie.

I think I'm going to try and have a 5 pint limit now because this keeps happening and I'm going to do something I really regret soon. And to post 159, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. It is eye opening. I'm definitely going to monitor my drink more or just find something else to do.

By anon931638 — On Feb 09, 2014

Help! I'm nineteen, and I have a boyfriend whom I love very much and loves me back, but I have a problem with drinking. My boyfriend doesn't like drinking. He's a year younger than me, but he's been in some bad alcohol situations before we dated and before I really knew him so he decided to stop.

I don't normally have bad blackout drinking, but I just experienced it last night. The only other times I've had bad black out drinking was prom night when I was 17, and another in 2013 when I was 18. But I've been partying up until now and I haven't had another bad one. (and when I say bad, I mean not only can I not remember the events, but I puke too.)

The worst is, my boyfriend dislikes me partying because it seems like I keep 'hurting his feelings.' Like, one time I drank too much and though I remember the night, I ended up passing out on another guy's bed, but I did not kiss him or let anything happen to me. I just liked that we had a nice conversation while we were both drunk. And I never saw him again or responded to any of his texts. Of course, something could have happened so I've been careful since then.

Last night, however, I told my roommate who does not drink that I liked someone there who was not my boyfriend! Should I be concerned? I don't remember anything from the night. I puked several times (I've only puked once the previous two times that I did), and I have a bunch of bruises I don't remember getting because apparently I kept falling over a lot.

I know I don't like anyone else, but my boyfriend! I absolutely am positively sure of this. I only love him. But I don't know why I told my friend that I liked this other guy? I'm so afraid that somehow I'm attracted to this guy but I don't know it. Like to me, yes, I think he's nice and cute but I am positive I don't have feelings for him at all. However, I didn't tell my boyfriend this and I'm afraid to, because he's already upset because I went overboard in the first place and I kept texting him that I only love him so much. I'm confused with myself!

I don't know what to do. I don't want me to turn out to be like the drunk girls from stories I've read where they cheat on their boyfriend and go crazy. I know I just argued with my boyfriend because he told me he hates the pictures my friends put up and that he's disappointed in me and feels ashamed and then he kept telling me that I can change that drinking part of me, but though I enjoy partying and drinking and having fun, should I seriously consider stopping everything?

Like, I love having fun, but I'm scared I'm going to go really overboard and do something I regret. I kept asking my roommate and so far nothing happened other than me just telling her that I liked someone else.

I'm just freaking out, because I don't want this 'blackout drinking' to become a problem for me, but I'm fearing I'm slowly turning into an alcoholic. I need to stop this I know, but it's just addictive, like I already have another party to go to next week, and it's my close friend's 19th birthday but this time my boyfriend is coming with and I know I'm going to be tempted to drink but I don't want to do anything I regret. I'm so scared.

By anon356857 — On Nov 29, 2013

I had a girl, a soul mate, heart in my heart girl. We were together for over 10 years. We were neighbors -- both married to others. We were in an upscale, private school area and had seven great kids between us.

Our mates were boring, lazy and crappy. I know, I know. It just happened. If I could only turn back time! What we did to others was awful. It didn't make it any less of a crime that we didn't love our mates.

We loved over 1000 times. It was awesome SOS love. She was the life of the party, until she went past the point of no return. She blacked out at a neighborhood party and had sex with the guy across the street. She literally attacked him. She was my absolute soul. We're in the past now and trying to move on. Blackouts are life changing. Realize it and change.

By anon351892 — On Oct 17, 2013

Blackout drinking can be hereditary. I was a blackout drinker from high school until I quit drinking at 33.

My 19 year old son was not as fortunate as I was when it came to escaping the dangers of blackout drinking. He was drinking at a party on summer break, saw his ex with her new boyfriend and drank to a blackout. No one knew he was that drunk because he was just dancing and being silly.

During his blackout, he was dropped off at his home alone, where he found a loaded gun in his roommate's drawer. He wrote a few quick suicide notes to his dad and brother and me, mingled for a bit with his unsuspecting roommates when they came home, then climbed out his bedroom window after everyone had gone to sleep -- and shot himself between the eyes. Fortunately, his roommate found him in the backyard shortly after hearing the gunshot, and he woke up from a coma three days later.

He sustained a traumatic brain injury and is paralyzed on one side, and now needs 24 hour care. I am just so thankful to God that he is alive and I get to care for him, and thankfully, so is he.

He has the best attitude and knows he is here for a divine purpose. I encourage anyone who has blackouts to stop drinking and seek help to stop if you need it. If you can't stop, limit yourself to two or three drinks and/ or sip on something you don't like at social gatherings. Smoking pot instead is a much safer option, if you must experience an altered state. Or, try meditation for a true experience of bliss or euphoria. Do thank God for every morning you wake up, forgive yourself, then do something different.

By anon350115 — On Oct 02, 2013

I've blacked out twice now due to drinking. The first time was sometime in December last year and I barely remember anything. A friend and I were going clubbing, but we were too cheap to buy drinks, so we brought our own vodka from home and I ended up drinking too much and apparently I was throwing up all night and having seizures. After been told of what happened and how I felt the next morning, I promised myself that I would never again get that hammered.

But just two nights ago, I drank too much vodka again at a friend’s house party. I blacked out and apparently I was getting all touchy feely with some girls. Someone else here said that the worst thing is the guilt and that's exactly how I feel. I have no idea what I did and all I can think about are things that I may have done which were really stupid.

I’ve tried to get as much as info as I can about what happened but it’s just too hard. Also, I’m 17 and was completely wasted. I woke up four hours later in hospital, which was unnecessary and it freaked me out.

By anon347670 — On Sep 09, 2013

I've had the worst night of my life. I met all my girlfriend's friends for the first time. I got seriously drunk, got in an argument with my girlfriend, and then it spilled over to all her friends. I walked out and we argued all night. Guilt and embarrassment are the only words to describe it. It's not cool, man -- not cool at all.

By anon346496 — On Aug 29, 2013

Got to throw this out there. I have blacked out probably half of the times I have ever drank. The threshold for foggy memories is probably between two and four drinks. I have never really developed a tolerance for alcohol. I like drinking; it’s the only legal way to do a drug.

Some of my experiences were as wild as some of the stories below, so I can relate. While going out of my head, apparently I told the (not attractive, but very nice) bartender at a local hipster bar (who, did I mention, is really nice) that I was going to take her in the bathroom and do something funky to her. I don’t even remember having ever thought she was attractive. Embarrassing.

Many times I’ve lost memory, and been told in the morning that I didn’t even seem intoxicated. And many times I’ve lost memory after drinking relatively little.

The biggest downside to losing clear memory when drinking is this will lead to “the guilts”. “The guilts” are those feelings of sitting around, trying to remember what happened, assuming you were the silliest, dumbest human ever, and feeling embarrassment and paranoia about it. The guilts are possibly the worst feeling in the world. And reason enough to not drink too often, frankly.

But for all the people saying, “if you black out, you have a problem,” or the old if you’ve ever blacked out you are an “alcoholic,” for goodness’ sake, be more realistic. I am a self made millionaire with numerous US patents and three kids who get A’s and B’s in school. My poop is in a serious group. And the next time I drink, even if it’s in more than extreme moderation, I’m going to not have a clear memory of it. I’m going to black out if I have even a 6-pack.

Some people just react differently to booze than others. And don’t forget ethanol is a wildly powerful drug, far more potent in the short term than many, if not most, regulated drugs. You will never see marijuana or cocaine (which I don’t partake in due to illegality, but have seen plenty of people do) cause someone to go completely out of their head, and say things that have no bearing in reality, slap their best friend, hit on a fat girl, punch their business partner, and scream at a cop all within an hour. Alcohol will accomplish those very things this evening somewhere near you.

It’s a crazy powerful drug. Crazy powerful. I’d say from nights being sober and watching drunks, there is almost no limit to what alcohol can make a person do. Its a drug worth being cautious around, but if you blacked out once and got the guilts, remember these things: Almost everyone has; 95 percent of people realize you were drunk and that wasn’t the real you; the urban legend that drunks are honest is a gross fallacy; it’s a ridiculously powerful drug and you shouldn’t really engage in drinking unless you’re around a group of people you’re pretty sure want you alive in the morning.

By anon346125 — On Aug 25, 2013

I have had two blackouts, both of a similar nature. The first was about two years ago. I was with a few friends and upset with my then boyfriend so I really started to put the drinks down.

I am only about 100 pounds, maybe less then, and drank probably 15 beers. I was extremely drunk and doing crazy things when my boyfriend showed up. I tried hiding from him (stupid), but he immediately saw me and started yelling. That is the last I remember but was afterward informed that I screamed at him and hit him in front of everyone. Continually.

I left my phone, pants and who knows what else where we were and got in his car to go home. I came to once home and alone and was completely disoriented. The guilt, shame and sorrow I felt were unreal. Now, just last night, I did almost the same thing. I can't think of anything but how bad I feel for it. I am so embarrassed to ever show my face to these people ever Again.

My boyfriend is upset with me and only told me that I hit him in the face and kept telling him I hate him. I certainly do not and I never ever hit! I wish it weren't true but I know it is. I don't remember anything at all. I wish I could take it back.

By anon346041 — On Aug 24, 2013

I drank on my 22nd birthday yesterday, but my body can only handle one drink, but my friends wanted me to have a birthday shot with sherbet liquor and cake liquor. I drank the cake one straight up and drank the other with pineapple juice. I shouldn't drink because I take medication but I do anyway, but every time I go over one drink, and this is where my story begins.

It was just my boyfriend and me at the house. I started feeling really sick, so he told me to get a shower. He said I was saying paranoid stuff while I was in there like, "You’re not going to get away” and crazy stuff. I don't even remember saying that stuff. Another thing was that I jumped in my pool and began to swim, but I never swim. Something must be going on in my head.

So my boyfriend left and I woke up this morning with over 30 cuts on my left arm, with no pain except blood all over my sheets. I had to get them in the wash and soak before my parents noticed because I’m not going back to a psych center because this happened again, when I don't even remember cutting. I used to cut but I stopped, but I guess ever since I got used to drinking I never know what I'm doing anymore.

I just started college and I can ruin this for me. I’m going to get my associates degree in psychology, but I have to hide this from my doctors, parents and friends at school or I’m screwed. They have to heal quick. This will be my last time drinking.

By amypollick — On Aug 07, 2013

@anon344284: First, congratulations on your decision to stop drinking altogether. That's a mature decision, especially since you have realized you and alcohol do not make for a happy combination.

About your boyfriend. You say you're so in love with him, but does he love you? I ask this because you have made a healthy decision to stop drinking completely, based on the fact that you know you cannot drink in a safe manner. People who love you truly want the best for you all the time, and they support you in healthy decisions. I'm sure in many ways, he's a good guy, but I repeat: people who love you want the best for you.

You don't say how old he is, but I met a lot of guys in the 18-25 range who wanted a drinking buddy as a girlfriend. It's not uncommon, and it doesn't make him a bad person. It may just mean that it's time to move on.

Do you have anything to talk about when you're not both drinking? Do you have common interests that don't involve drinking? Do you fight a lot when you're not drinking? These are just some points to consider.

Otherwise, congratulations again on your healthy decision-making. Take care of yourself.

By anon344284 — On Aug 07, 2013

I am currently 19 years old and I've been having incidents like these since I was first introduced to alcohol. I know I have a problem now, and I just decided two days ago I'm going to quit drinking for good. I really wish that someone could help me explain to my boyfriend that when you black out, it is not you anymore. It's like a whole chunk of your life is missing and you feel like you couldn't have done the things people say because you have no recollection of it.

Also, the things you do aren't something you would ever do to a human being if you were sober. If anyone could understand how in love I am with him then maybe someone could help me out here. I am a really good person with morals and values, but when alcohol gets involved after a certain point, I'm not myself at all anymore.

By anon343762 — On Aug 02, 2013

Since everyone else is telling, I will. I blacked out once, that I remember. I went across town to make an illegal deal. I made the deal and was happy, so I decided to get a fifth of Seagram’s Gin. I proceeded to smoke the biggest blunts ever while drinking with two homeboys. We finished the whole thing and I, being greedy, drank the most because I wanted my money's worth. Right after that, everyone had to leave for different reasons. I had to drop one homeboy off and I blacked out! I don't remember dropping him off. I do remember driving across town for a second and someone beeped at me.

Next thing you know, I woke up in the car. I was pulled over and a police lieutenant was staring at me. They thought I was dead because blood was everywhere on my shirt and capri jeans. There was blood all over the inside of my car -- even in the back seat! They searched me and found a scale and two ounces of weed. I was locked up and my car towed. I wouldn’t see my car for another two or three months because they tried to take it, saying I bought it with drug money. It totally messed my life up! I would have been making a lot of money but instead had to lay low for a while. I had to get that car taken out of my name and gave it to my sister. Mind you, this was a new Grand Marquis.

To this day, I don't know what happened or why I was covered in blood. The best thing is people were kind of scared of me at the jail because of all the blood. Luckily, I had two shirts on so I threw the bloody one away before seeing the commissioner. Oh yeah, before I went to the bookings, the detectives questioned me at the district and they took my two cell phones. I never got those phones back. I also had a knife in my pocket watch pocket but it was never used.

The next day I got out and had to catch ride and walk home. I told my father and he thought the dudes I was with jumped me. He wanted to go hurt them. I covered for them. It was crazy. Now I drink my butt off, but I know my limit. I know to quit when I feel like I’m a bout to start spinning. Anyway, I love getting drunk. It helps me escape the bad in my life. I drink to deal with my girlfriend and her crap. I try not to drink every day. I do smoke every day, multiple times.

I handle my drink really well because I know when to stop. Anyway, just wanted to share what happens when you drink too much. Know your limits and stop!

By anon341023 — On Jul 08, 2013

I first started drinking when I was in my first year of college. I drank almost every weekend, and even got drunk a lot, but I always seemed to remember going to bed. I'm a nice guy, never wanting to make trouble and always backing away from any fight or conflict.

But before Christmas break, I blacked out. I destroyed a toilet, some random person's PS3, and their dorm room table and was ready to pick fights with people, according to my roommates and some close friends. That was the worst. For some reason, every other time, I just walked around like a zombie, confused my backyard for my bedroom, and wasted over $100 dollars worth of food that I meant to eat but just left it all sitting to rot. I banged my computer repeatedly and lost all of my valuable data, which it took a year and a half to collect, and the list goes on. My life was a mess.

This all stopped when I was introduced to pot and since then, my life got 100 times better and the urge to drink and get drunk was gone. I even got a job, moved out of my parents' house, and I'm starting to see someone. Try some pot. It worked for me, and it might work for you. Pot is not as bad as the government and police want you to think.

By anon338803 — On Jun 17, 2013

I hate to admit that I have been blackout drunk too many times. I just finished my freshman year of college. I had never gotten drunk before going away to college. The binge drinking culture took me by surprise. I was eager to make friends and to avoid my social anxiety, I partook in the pre-gaming and heavy drinking activities.

The first couple of times, I got drunk, remembered everything, and woke up with no hangover. The next time I went out, I literally only remember having two shots of vodka and two beers. That's it. After that, apparently I went crazy. I danced with a bunch of guys, fell down a couple of times, made out with a guy on my floor, and tried to get a sober basketball player to have sex with me. I didn't remember any of this. Then it happened again, and again, and again.

I kept a tally of my drinks, but it seemed inevitable that I would wake up with the worst hangover yet, throwing up and with no recollection of the night's events. I have woken up with hickeys on my neck, sore legs, bruises and scratches everywhere, lost my phone, wallet, paid for too many drinks at the bar without remembering, and even peed on somebody's couch while they were trying to sober me up. I am so embarrassed.

It's like every Friday, Saturday, Sunday morning I wake up wondering what I did, who I hurt, who I had a sexual encounter with. I swear I'll never drink again. But then Thirsty Thursday rolls around and all my friends are drinking and going out, and I feel like if I don't join them, I'll get left behind and be friendless and socially alienated just like in high school.

I convince myself that I won't black out, that I'll have control. Yet it happens again and again. The worst has been waking up completely naked in my best guy friend's bed. I didn't remember how I got there, but we had sex. I wish I knew how to fix this blackout drinking problem.

By anon337805 — On Jun 08, 2013

I was googling 'alcohol paranoia' when I can across this. This sounds more fitting. We (husband and I) drink often but overdo it on date nights (i.e., when kids are with grandparents). No alcohol ever when kids are around, but we have two or three glasses when they are down for the night.

Now on 'date nights', it goes crazy. I was always susceptible to blackouts, but last weekend took the cake. We canceled cable and just have netflix, and I've been *obsessed* with the ID true crime series shows. So last weekend, after consuming way too much, we got home, drank more wine (why?), and went to bed. Or so I thought.

The next morning I'm downstairs in the kitchen getting a glass of water and have a vision that's soon followed by a memory. This is real: shortly after we went to bed, I awoke with fear that there was someone, an intruder? -- in the house coming after me. I crept out of bed, down the stairs, through our side door and down the street in hopes of finding a 'safe house'. Note: I was only in my bra and panties. Brutal. I remember making it down the hill and suddenly the imminent threat didn't seem as imminent, so O made my way back up. I have scabbed feet and bruised limbs to prove this. But now, I do not know who had witnessed this, if anyone (I would think that anyone seeing a woman running in underwear would think to call the cops, right? Didn't happen.)

I am still so embarrassed to show my face in the neighbourhood, just in case anyone saw. So, so bad. After this, I seriously thought I had some rare alcohol affliction that caused these paranoid episodes, but now I think that it's just a case of the worst kind of blackout (that you remember in pieces as the day goes on). I don't want to stop drinking. I just want to learn how to keep my wine consumption at a minimum. I am only an evening drinker. Is that possible? I keep having to remind myself that I ran through my neighbourhood at 4 a.m. in my underwear!

By anon337296 — On Jun 04, 2013

Blacking out after drinking alcohol for the first time may be understandable, painful and embarrassing but still understandable if it is your first time. If it happens repeatedly, then you're doing it on purpose and it is the result of inner urges, daemons, that your conscious mind can't handle. Maybe you're too shy or embarrassed to do or say some things, and the only way for you to get it out or do it is if you cloak yourself in a veil of alcohol.

Have a close friend record your actions when you black out and view it before you feel like having a drink. I can bet you'll think twice before you ask for a second drink.

By anon336592 — On May 29, 2013

I don't know where to begin. Like many have said, I'm glad to have found that I am not alone. I want to caution anyone in the teens and 20s. I'm in my mid 30s. I black out almost nightly now, off only a few drinks. Here's a rundown of my typical day:

I wake up to a coffee with liquor in it or a glass of champagne. At lunch I have another drink. After work I drink until I go to sleep (maybe four more drinks spread out over six or so hours). Yet, I am such a "functioning alcoholic" that people don't even know I'm intoxicated 95 percent of the time, but the remaining 5 percent has resulted in:

DUIs; out of control, promiscuous behavior (worst night ever was 3 different people). I've hit multiple parked things ranging from backing into vehicles to hitting parking blocks. I even drove my hot rod up onto an island and blew out all four tires.

Numerous lost smart phones, keys, wallet, money; spending literally $1,000 on numerous different nights at the bar / club. Imagine waking up to a wallet filled with credit card slips and not even remembering signing one slip, let alone a grand's worth; sending embarrassing text messages; sending text messages to the wrong person; waking up to see I had hours of text conversations that I can't even bring myself to reread; spending hundreds to thousands online shopping while drunk; outright lying and having zero recollection of even saying such things; showing up at work intoxicated and being sent home. (I only keep my well paid job because of how good I am the 95 percent of the time that my employers "deal with me"); picking fights; broken ribs (on multiple occasions); broken fingers and toes; black eyes; doing obnoxious things, like throwing stuff into my neighbor's yard or pool for no reason; posting senseless stuff online like on facebook.

The list goes on and on. I have been: thrown out of bars, casinos, restaurants, friends houses, families houses, even retail stores; arrested on multiple occasions for my stupidity; passed out at my own parties; disowned by life long friends; in numerous confrontations; broken out windshields, given others black eyes, etc.

I have found myself, on many occasions, waking up and remembering something about walking home, refusing to get rides from friends, putting myself in danger and even being so drunk that I didn't know which way was home.

Regardless, it's pretty bad. I guess I can't really talk because my blackouts are really bad, but there's a few things you can do.

I do not attend parties or go to clubs. I know I cannot handle myself so I simply gave it up. I haven't gone to a party in probably two and a half years and I'm fine with it. Instead, I see my friends over dinner and not at a bar, but at a restaurant. We still drink, but it's a fraction of what we would drink at a regular bar.

If you have to go to an event and you're like me and have to drink to feel social around people you don't want to be around, then drink what you dislike. I love gin, whiskey, red wines and tequila. I don't like white wines, rum or vodka. If I pass on my glass of Merlot and instead get a bloody mary. I'll sip on it way longer.

Pass on shots. If you read the above posts, you will see that shots are a common thread for most of us who have had those really bad nights. You may get made fun of by your friends, but who cares? Or, if you can be sneaky and go to the bar and buy a glass of juice or something to dump the shot in, just play it off like you were the jerk that did your shot without the group. Don't worry, they'll keep doing them and forget all about it. If all else fails, just say you are developing a stomach ache and you need to wait a little while, then pass the shot off on your friend.

Avoid pop mixers. Pop gets you drunk faster when mixed with alcohol. I learned this in bar tending school. Juice mixers can give you a horrid hangover due to the high sugar concentration and acid if you are not a regular juice drinker, but it still won't get you drunk as fast

Most importantly, when you start feeling foggy, let your friends know. You can be really casual about it. Just say "man, I think I'm pretty drunk" or whatever feels right to you. At least you have informed those around you that you're intoxicated. It doesn't give you a free pass to do what you want, but should something happen, people may take it better.

And remember that everyone has been there. I don't know a single person who hasn't gotten drunk and stupid at some point. Also, the more you think people are talking about you is likely all in your head due to that guilt feeling building up the more you stew on it. If you were slamming shots with friends, they're probably every bit as hungover as you. I know I've seen my friends do some really stupid things too, but I just chalked it up to them being drunk and never held a grudge.

By anon335813 — On May 23, 2013

I'm 18 (soon to be 19) and my first blackout was at age 16. I was a junior in high school and it was my first time of truly heavy drinking. Since then, it's been way too many times.

At first, I thought it was kind of funny and nothing ever really happened to me. This past year was my first year in college. I blacked out once and apparently had sex with a boy on my floor. I am not a slut and only had sex with one boy before him, but I woke up in my bed wearing no pants and a boy's shirt. I slept in his room, so I don't know how I made it to mine. If I hadn't been told that I had sex, then I would have never known.

Another time when I blacked out a few weeks ago, I woke up in a random dorm in my building in a bed with no pants on. It was a girl's room and I later found out they were gone for the weekend. I had no idea who they were or how I got there. I am hoping I thought it was my room and just went to sleep.

Now this past weekend I went to a festival and I stayed at a hotel with my friend, her boyfriend, and his friends. One boy who I danced with at the festival was cute and I was into him, so we went back to the hotel and drank some more. I remember most of the night, but when I woke up I assumed I just fell asleep. Then I was told I took a shower with this boy and it is assumed that we had sex in there.

Now I'm not sure what to do. I know I need to stop drinking excessive amounts of alcohol and can't let myself black out for my own safety. I feel so ashamed and don't want him to think I'm a slut. I actually liked him and now I have no idea how I was acting. Should I ask him what happened?

By anon333414 — On May 05, 2013

The worst mornings in my life are after blackouts. I feel fear and I'm depressed and almost always suicidal.

By anon330149 — On Apr 14, 2013

I feel like there needs to be a forum somewhere (there probably is, just haven't found it yet) dedicated to people who get blackout drunk. I've been a blackout drunk for over 10 years now, and I've come up with a name for the feeling that one gets after a crazy night of drinking. I call it "the guilt". "The guilt" is something that only blackout drinkers know about.

Basically what happens is you start off drinking, and things are pretty fun. You're playing a drinking game, or maybe you think your having interesting conversations with people. Then there's the point where you admit to yourself that you're drunk, you're not wasted yet, just silly drunk, probably what most would consider getting really drunk. Now, at this point you should most certainly stop drinking, but unfortunately you do not. You continue and continue until everything turns into a blur.

The next thing you know, you wake up. Now, on a good day, you'll wake up in your own bed and on a really good day, you'll wake up in your own bed and you won't have wet yourself. On a bad day, however... I've woken up in an abandoned apartment with no idea how I got there. I've woken up to my parents telling me that the cops were at the front door and wanted to talk to me. I've woken up with a girl in my bed staring at me and urine all over myself (that was weird driving her home).

I've woken up at a coworker's house after hanging out with my boss and several other work friends with no idea how I got back to the house. If you've not experienced this feeling before, it is just awful. Not knowing what you did is bad enough, but having to call friends and ask them, then have the night retold to you is even more cringe-worthy. Sometimes the feeling can last for days, but eventually, you get over it.

To anyone experiencing this, I have these words of advice. You are alive, be thankful. Hopefully you are not in jail and didn't hurt anyone, if so, be more thankful. Now, there isn't anything you can do to take back what happened that night, the only thing you can do is move forward. Thinking about, or trying to remember exactly what happened only makes things worse. If this isn't the first time this has happened, or you frequently find yourself unable to control yourself while drinking, seriously consider quitting alcohol.

As someone who was a serious blackout drunk that recently quit, the feeling I get when I realize I won't ever have to deal with "the guilt" again, is amazing. Yea it stinks not being able to go out and drink with my friends, but the psychological burden that has been lifted is totally worth it.

By anon327113 — On Mar 26, 2013

I'm a young man in college, and I commonly wake up after parties covered in bruises, with no recollection of the night. Until this weekend that was fine by me, because people found me funny while I was blacked out and apparently I always knew when to walk home.

In the last two weeks, I blacked out four times, which in itself is not unusual. (I binge drink on weekends to kill my social anxiety). What is unusual is this time I had unprotected sex at a neighboring house full of good friends in the busier, "public" bathroom during a mellow night. I have no recollection but I hear I left the worst kind of mess, and when I went home afterwards, I left the girl alone on the couch. She didn't live there and my house was a block away.

Before I was told about any of this, I went back to the house to say hi. I was a ghost. No one said a word, they hardly made eye contact, and I got one sympathetic "best of luck" hug.

Now I can't sleep from guilt and shame. If at least I hadn't blacked out I could have patched things up, but I wasn't told until I had left town. So I failed to see if the girl was OK both physically and mentally, if she is on the pill or needs plan b. Hopefully she won't ignore me so I can talk to her about everything. I also lost the respect of some of my best friends and should probably never go back (I'd been "mischievous" before, but nothing this gross).

Lesson learned. I'm usually very reserved and courteous and above all, I respect women. The way I used everyone around me that night literally makes me sick to my stomach. Does anyone else act so radically different at the moment of blackout? Like I said I'm never falling over or anything; I black out while pretty sober.

By anon325408 — On Mar 16, 2013

@anon325220: If this has happened to you. as you've described they have a name "en bloc. If this a sudden change that with you or others have made you aware of, I am only making sure that you know you have arrived at this point and are in trouble. I have recently gone through a bad bad ordeal with this and did research for two straight weeks. I was obsessed with trying to find the answer.

I know that feeling of what in the heck happened or no memory ever and friends hating me, and blocking me on facebook. I was hardly a drinker, barely two years but if you can, please stop now. I'm only 53 and just found out I'm in the final stages of chronic alcoholism. My eyes have now turned yellow overnight. I have not had 1 drink since this blackout and it's been 80 days. I was just told the other day I'm in complete liver failure. I have six months, we hope.

Please listen to your body now. I didn't even wait and never had a blackout and to suddenly find this out... Go and enjoy life for now. Because I'm been diagnosed an chronic alcoholic I'm not eligible for a liver transplant, or if I manage to get on this list, I'll go to the bottom of the list because it's self inflicted..

Once you're a blackout drinker, you will always be one. You cannot control it, you will never remember anything of what happened because it produced no memory of anything because your brain fell asleep. It was asleep and amnesia happens while you roamed around God knows where or what or why? You can never remember no matter what, because you were in an amnesia state and unable to produce a memory when your brain isn't awake at all.

This so serious that I read everything I found and I know enough to know that I'm very scared. So if someone like a family member or friend and ever says you did this or that and you cannot remember one thing, see a doctor immediately. Go online and see what you find this helped me understand these types and there are four.

Lastly, if any type of crime is committed even though a blackout was involved, it doesn't make any difference. If you're the one who did it you still go to jail or prison. Even if you never remember, you still are charged. I hope this helps.

Getting online and seeing the different types will help you as well. Look into it and save your life.

By anon325220 — On Mar 14, 2013

Thanks for writing this article, and for everyone who has written their story.

I don't know if what happened to me was because of too much alcohol or my drink was spiked (as something odd happened to my date too), but the result was that I slipped down some stairs in my house and was convinced I was in a stranger's house. I wondered how I was going to get home as I was in my underwear and I slept at the bottom of the staircase in the freezing cold until the morning, when I finally realized where I was.

When I went to the bar today to see if anyone was around on that day as I wanted to ask some questions how I was before I left for home, I discovered I'd been involved in an incident with people I didn't recall even seeing. Now they aren't talking to me.

Over the past year, I've had numerous blackouts which people thought were a mix of funny and disturbing, and even dangerous. I know they were self inflicted because I drank a lot -- including shots.

However, this weekend I had one which has really unnerved me because I didn't think I drank that much at all.

I do recall drinking a few glasses of amaretto before I left the house, then had some ciders and a few lagers, but less than normal. Today I looked at the amaretto bottle and was shocked to read how strong it was. I thought it was weak when I drank it!

I was also dehydrated that day and drinking lots of water before I left the house, so perhaps that was also a factor.

Today when I went out I only had half a cider and left for home shortly afterwards. Not sure if it was the surprise of finding out what happened that I had no memories of or just feeling out of sorts because of my back hurting. I don't know.

I just hope this will be a lesson I don't need to learn again.

By anniebell — On Feb 26, 2013

@anon321861: People told me that my voice changed and my eyes as well. I can't explain it either. Maybe that's why they call Alcohol "spirits". I also thought it came across that way to others. It is scary, though. It only took one of those. I still have not been drinking and it's been 62 days today. I'm scared to death. Be careful.

By anon321861 — On Feb 25, 2013

This happened to me last weekend. I remember being at my friend's house. Then, it's blank. I woke up in my bed and was clueless. My parents told me that I was a different person. They said it was like I was possessed by a demon or something, because when I get black-out drunk, I don't act like the same as I do when I'm sober.

They said I had no color in my eyes and my voice didn't sound like mine, so I think I might have been possessed. It sounds kind of silly, but that's what I think.

So really, if anyone gets angry and violent and think of killing themselves when they're drunk, I would advise them to stop drinking. I'm going to try and stop, because I don't want to experience this again. Also, this is not the first blackout I have had. So no excuses. I just won't drink that much because it comes randomly. You will seem buzzed, and then out of nowhere you're no longer conscious of what you're doing. No joke; it's not fun. It's humiliating.

By anniebell — On Feb 15, 2013

I'm glad I found this about blackout drinking. I could relate to almost everyone in some way. I have recently just found out that I was having the bad ones called total complete blackouts. So I was so

freaked out at what happened I cannot even describe it. It was a horror story.

Since this last one, I never knew I was having it because my friends had no idea either. They just thought I was drunk until 50 days ago. That was my last drunk incident because the blackout was so severe and I was with others I didn't know, but no one got hurt. I had finally had this in front of someone who had not seen me in a year. That person recognized I was awake but my frontal lobe of my

brain just fell asleep and I turned into the meanest and most violent person on earth.

I'm female, 5'4 - 105 pounds. I almost destroyed a person's home and tried to choke my adult cousin during a complete blackout. I never passed out and did not remember because it's impossible to have a

total blackout and pass out. You are awake the whole time and you wake up mentally when your brain does, sometimes in just a few minutes or hours and I've heard others say days or months.

If anyone has had this happen, do what I did and don't drink ever, because when these happen you are in trouble. Once you're a blackout drinker, you will always do it. Also, you will never remember anything of what happened because it produced no memory of anything because it was asleep while you roamed around at God knows where or what or why?

This so serious that I read everything I found and I know enough know that I'm scared to death and I quit drinking overnight. So if someone like a family member or friend and ever says you did this or that and you cannot remember one thing. If you deny things when people tell you they saw you do this or say that, trust them that it's true. Go on line and see what could and will happen and it's awful. I also found out anything you do while in this type and there are four, well you still go to jail or prison. Even if you never remember, you still are charged. I hope this helps just one person.

By anon318958 — On Feb 09, 2013

After googling 'black out' and reading all these posts, I now have an idea of what has happened to me.

Last night was the third time I had blacked out. I had left my friends from drinking spirits in a club all night. I took a bus home, then decided to call up a male friend and meet him in a pub/club that stayed open until 4 a.m. We met, and kept drinking all night.

I don't remember getting a taxi back to his house and I woke up this morning with large parts of last night missing.

He said we had sex three times, and this is quite disturbing for me that I don't remember. I'm not entirely happy I have now had sex with one of my friends either.

By anon311730 — On Jan 03, 2013

I was at a New Year's Eve 2012 glow in the dark party at my friend's house who I live with. Her whole family was there and I was drinking sambuca like it was water.

I was dancing and was feeling tipsy but not drunk then the next minute I woke up on my bedroom floor with cuts all over my hands and blood on my pillow and I cannot remember if I made it to the countdown.

My friend will not talk to me now and her boyfriend told me to keep out of her way and give her a week or so to calm down. But I have a feeling I will not be invited to future parties.

Be responsible when drinking and eat lots of food and drink some water in between drinking.

Something has happened to my mind. I don't seem to want to drink alcohol anymore. I can't even eat my chocolate liquors.

By anon311024 — On Dec 28, 2012

Wow, so many posts about blackouts. I recently had my first blackout and it was quite a frightening and somewhat shocking experience.

I was out at a party for work, and had consumed a few pints, perhaps four or five with a meal, so I was merry but certainly not wasted. Anyway the party was pretty lame so I quietly slipped out and wandered down the road to the town center in search of a more lively scene and the possibility of meeting up with some some people I knew.

I can clearly remember drinking sambucas and I can clearly remember having quite a few. Now the strange thing was, I didn't feel that drunk, just kind of merry. As I met some people I knew in the pub, we had another round or 2 (me just having shots of sambuca as I was still feeling full up from eating). The atmosphere was good and although it wasn't a busy night, everyone was in good spirits, since it was a week before Christmas.

I was aware that the time was getting on toward 1 a.m. and we were discussing going to a nearby club. The next thing I was aware of is sitting on a bench in another part of town beside a girl. I was feeling a little confused and I began to ask her what I was doing there. She told me that I was just walking along and sat next to her a few minutes before. Then I saw the clock above the town hall said 4: 45 and it struck me that I had just 'lost' nearly four hours. During this time I have absolutely no memory whatsoever of what I got up to or where I went, but I had a nightclub stamp on my hand and had spent money.

I am not in regular contact with the people I had been with, and so have not been able to ask them what happened and it remains a mystery. I also find that as I try and sleep at night, my brain tries to recall what happened during those missing hours but nearly a week has gone by now and still nothing, no memory.

Also, I have not touched a drop of alcohol since this happened which is not like me. I used to have a beer most days but hardly ever drank a lot. Now my head is still confused and I need to stay off it until I've got myself sorted. At least after reading some of the accounts, I now know that I am not alone.

By anon305216 — On Nov 25, 2012

I am a blackout drunk too. I blacked out twice in college but did not start blacking out again until six months ago. In the past six months, I must have blacked out 10 times.

And mostly every time that I do black out, I have sex and don't remember. I act super aggressive sexually and make a fool of myself. Yesterday I went to this party and acted like a total slut, trying to make out with every guy there. I woke up in my own bed with a condom on the floor. I don't know whose that is. I need help. Sober, I am a smart, caring person.

By amypollick — On Sep 29, 2012

@anon294038: Call the police. This is sexual abuse, and if he is allowed to get away with it, he's going to do it to another girl. In fact, he probably already has. If he's been bragging about it, other people know it, so he can't say he didn't do anything. Good luck.

By anon294038 — On Sep 29, 2012

I had been to work normally, just like the other days, left work late and decided to got into a favorite friend's bar to buy food since I was tired of going home to cook. I don't know how but I ended up drinking brands I have never tried before.

This male friend, who is also a workmate, gave his car to his younger brother to drive me home. At that point, I woke up in the morning to find myself totally naked in my bed alone, the door not locked, money I had in the house gone and I could feel that I had been sexually abused from both front and back.

I feel so bad, but the worst thing is that this guy is going a round telling everyone that he had anal sex with me. I don't know what to do. It's terrible.

By anon292097 — On Sep 18, 2012

I will tell you a story that will probably make a lot of you think again before drinking to the point of blackout.

Now I will not preach to you that drinking is bad. If you plan ahead and follow that plan for drinking, even just a three or four beers, it's best to plan not only what you should be doing, but what your family, friends and anyone else in your life are doing at that time. Perhaps your brother is sick at home with flu, and no one is home to care for him. Should you get so drunk you can't think of going to his aid? Think about little things like that.

But on to my story. I had a bad day at work and decided to go home and have a beer or two and call it a night. A friend of mine then called me to come out to a bar so I did. The thing is, I drove there. Not thinking ahead caused me to get into a lot of trouble.

We drank and drank, to the point where I don't even remember being at the bar, but apparently I got into my car afterward drove up the block and stopped on the side of the road and fell asleep in my car. I woke up to a police officer knocking at my window asking if I was O.K. I opened the door and he knew right away.

He booked me for DUI -- not just a ticket, not just a slap on the wrist -- a legit DUI. I blew over the limit, even hours after I had consumed alcohol. I got off with just a driving infraction in court. The judge emphasized that the amount of alcohol I consumed had become toxic enough to impair even my most basic judgment. They had no hard evidence against me that I was actually driving because somehow, in my drunken state, I threw a bag of empties I had in my truck on the grass and my keys were nowhere to be found.

So moral of the story is, think before you drink that much. Not only are you poisoning your system, you can potentially injure yourself, or worse, someone else, fatally or not. You can get into a lot of trouble because of such a simple drug.

By anon292052 — On Sep 18, 2012

I've lost my husband and everything to drinking. Every time I drink, I black out. I wake up black and blue every where like I got beat up. I just remember parts of it. Going in and out of my blackout feels like someone else takes control of my body and when it's done, I wake up and try to remember and I can't. Drinking to me is evil, but never again. It's not even cute anymore.

By anon290733 — On Sep 10, 2012

I have a boyfriend and have been with him for three years. We went out drinking and I blacked out and the next day he told me I was all over three guys and grabbed an old man's butt. I don't remember any of it and he would not talk to me the next day. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. I never drink like that and I never will again.

By anon287680 — On Aug 27, 2012

The last day has been the worst day of my life. I got drunk about midday with my friend. I think I just drank three or four bottles of beer and after that, I don't remember where I was. I have some recollection but not very much. I was playing basketball with some kids. After that, I don't know what the hell happened!

I lost my bag, my glasses and two expensive phones. I don't know how I got home. When I woke up in the morning, I was completely clean. I have nothing. I got sick so often, I feel like vomiting even if I drink water. Even the taste of water feels like crap.

I got so depressed that I quit drinking completely afterward!

By anon284363 — On Aug 09, 2012

What if I think my girlfriend is working her way up to this point, but she's not known to cheat. She never has but alcohol makes you different. What do I do and if you're talking to me, please use D.T.W.

By anon274645 — On Jun 12, 2012

I don't know if this would help but I suggest you change your "routine" while drinking if you're not into giving up drinking. I've also experienced a lot of blackouts before, but thankfully none of them turned to what you've experienced. I don't know, maybe it's because I have this routine that when the night's done, I check my things (phone, wallet, etc.), get a cab, point the directions to my house, then go to bed.

And every time I wake up the next day, with all the crappy feelings and not remembering the night before, what do you know, I'm always in bed. So I think it's about instincts, routine or whatever you want to call it, that you act out when you're in the drinking blackout state.

By amypollick — On May 22, 2012

@anon270296: Contact your local Alcoholics Anonymous group. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You can find them online, and your local newspaper probably lists meetings, too.

Even if AA isn't the program for you, someone there will probably know about other available resources. Don't be ashamed to call or go to a meeting. I absolutely guarantee you won't tell them anything they haven't heard, and in most cases, haven't done themselves.

Good luck, God bless and I'll be praying for you!

By anon270296 — On May 22, 2012

I recently blacked out, and it has happened a lot over a span of seven or eight years. I am only in my mid twenties. Enough is enough.

I have punched bouncers, slept in alleys, gone to jail, threatened my friends and family whom I love dearly, come home with bruises and broken noises, broken hands, woke up in a hospital. The worst crap possible, you name it. After this one, I'm scared. I want to seek help from somewhere but have no clue where. Somebody please reach out to me on this.

By anon263297 — On Apr 23, 2012

I went to sleep last night and remember it but I woke up with vomit all over my bed and there were cleaning supplies there as if it had already been cleaned up. I think I might have blacked out or something and I'm scared I did something weird to my family because my dad wasn't talking to me normally earlier.

By anon263026 — On Apr 23, 2012

After reading these stories, I feel compelled to share mine as I haven't read one with the same aftermath and hopefully, I can console and comfort someone else who may possibly make a similar mistake.

As a lot of people on here report being very violent when blacked out, but during the times I have blacked out, I have luckily never been violent or mean to anyone. Frankly I'm the opposite; I become very promiscuous. (I'm a female by the way.)

Two years ago (when I was 20) I was out drinking with some acquaintances at house parties and had way too much tequila too quickly. I ended up waking up on a couch with my clothes still on (my zipper down though) and still a little drunk. I had lost my phone and recollection of being at that house. Luckily, the person I came with was there too, and we were given a ride home. I had managed to lose my phone and was told I was making out with some guy and tried to leave with another. After getting home I was in such a depressed state after losing my phone and the fact that I couldn't recall at all the guys I supposedly met. I was hungover and cried most of the day. I very luckily ended up getting my phone back but remained very sick that day, and figured it was just the hangover. For the rest of the week I got even more sick, pretty much miserable. After I survived that week and finally got better, I moved on with life.

Then three months later, I found a bump in my genital area. I mistook it for a spider bite at first, but found my suspicions were true when in a few days that bump turned into bumps and I went in and got tested. I found out I'm positive for herpes (HSV-1, which eased the pain over time) but still, no one ever wants to hear from a voicemail they have herpes. Apparently, I didn't just make out with someone and the fact that I will never know what really happened really bothers me. I haven't the slightest clue who transmitted it to me, but I also knew I couldn't fully blame them as I was probably asking for it, sadly.

Two years have passed and unfortunately, I have blacked out while drinking other times, but none with such terrible consequences. I do my best to monitor my drinking. I have accepted what has happened and moved on with my life but will never forget what I can't remember.

On a side note: to those who smoke weed while drinking, I believe this plays a role in blacking out. I can smoke before drinking and be okay but if I smoke weed after I've been drinking, I'm more prone to a blackout. As someone who smokes very frequently in general, I feel I am more prone in general as well. Safe drinking to all.

By amypollick — On Mar 31, 2012

@anon258340: You're lucky. You got out of that situation much better than a lot of people have.

But instead of getting online and slagging on the woman who, even though she wasn't your type, and knew it probably was just a one-night stand, thank her for being kind enough to allow a total stranger to crash at her place, and then giving you a ride home because you didn't have money for a cab or a bus. She could have kicked you out and told you to get home the best way you could.

By anon258340 — On Mar 31, 2012

I've also recently experienced a blackout. I'm 18 years old, and didn't even know what a "Blackout" was until today, out of curiosity.

Saturday night, I went out drinking with a few friends, and was pretty short on the money. So, with it being a 75p drinks up until 11:30 p.m. situation, I thought, “Buy some strong spirits, get drunk. Save a little money.” Bad idea. I remember having eight double Sambucas all in all, and I downed four of those eight, in the last two minutes of the 75p deal, then made my way out of the club. Furthermore, I remember making my way out of the club with my friends and heading towards the next one. This is where my night turned.

It felt like I was in the movie "Click" or something, and I felt as if a big part of my night had been skipped, then I just suddenly appeared outside a woman's house getting out of a taxi. I've never felt so confused and alone in my life. I asked where I was and I was miles away from my home town. I tried and tried to remember what had happened between the first club and me getting out of the taxi, but I just couldn't!

Anyway, I stayed over for the night, and then she gave me a lift in the morning as I'd completely spent up all my money. Which I can't remember doing at all. I also had loads of stamps over my body, which indicated I'd been in another two clubs since the previous one, and I had no recollection of it.

The woman I'd got off with was completely opposite to my type, and I wouldn't take two looks at her if I saw her on the street. The embarrassing part about it all, is, I was apparently stood in front of all my mates, and my brother necking off with her, and it makes me cringe just thinking about it. But of course, friends being friends, they egged me on, and saw it as banter, completely oblivious to the fact that wasn't me. I see myself as quite a good looking lad, and I recently broke up with my girlfriend of four years, and I've got very high standards, which have definitely taken a beating.

I was genuinely scared. I felt like someone else had taken over control of my body. I'm forever beating myself up about the situation, and it's making me feel depressed.

By anon255876 — On Mar 19, 2012

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I was drinking all day for a parade and blacked out at a friend's house after. Apparently, I had sex loudly in a bathroom with the roommate of a guy I had kind of been seeing. Then later, I had sex with another guy on the living room couch. Someone there referred to me simply as, 'that hoebag' and he was right.

I have never done anything like this before and generally am very slow and careful in sexual relationships. I feel like a whore and so embarrassed. All day today I just wished I could die. I don't know how to fix this. I hate myself.

By anon252272 — On Mar 05, 2012

I lost my husband about two years ago, I never had a drinking problem before that. Twice in the last few weeks I have had blackouts while drinking. It has scared me to death. Both times I was with close friends, who have also lost spouses, and I did nothing they say, except just be funny, but I hate the loss of control.

This is just drinking wine, nothing harder. Guess it is time to just quit, although I do enjoy a class of wine at night. I am 66 years old, and have never had this problem before.

By anon250942 — On Feb 27, 2012

Last spring 2011 I proceeded to get very drunk at my new home I moved into. A new place, a new beginning and away from the parents for "good". I could call the shots. So I bought a 26-er bottle of vodka and downed that and proceeded to go call on my friend who was a 15-minute walk away. I was hammered and we went to a little pub right across from his house and drank more there. We then went over to this legion where his girlfriend was at the time and went in and had more to drink there. This is where things started to get foggy.

I remember a bit where I wanted to play pool but the one table they had was being used for a tournament and I was upset. Next thing I know, my friend comes up to me all cheery and says to me "Come on man! My girlfriend's friend is inviting us to his house for a little party!" I assumed at first that he and his girlfriend were invited, since the friend only knew them, but I was invited to come along too. This is where everything is too blurry to remember much.

But we got to this guy's place and we played pool. I remember one game but that's it. I was in blackout mode and can't remember a thing. Just at one point the friend was serving tons of booze and he had 90 percent rum and I started taking several shots and when it was time to go, I was so drunk I was starting to fight them. My friend and his girlfriend were yelling at me to come with them and I proceeded to fight (from their story) and the guy who hosted the party said I had way too much and him and a friend of his carried me over to his couch after my friends left and I woke up the next morning, having no clue where I was. I couldn't even remember getting there.

I looked over and a guy is passed out on the other couch and I felt the vomiting coming up so I ran to the kitchen sink and vomited into it. I cleaned it up with soap and water after and told no one. I fell in and out of sleep and finally roused up to everyone awake talking and drinking coffee. I find the guy's 90 percent rum and filled my cup and ask for coke and he gives it to me (not aware I took his rum) and I proceeded to drink it at, I think it was 9 a.m. No one yelled at me, but told me it was time to leave the house because I started talking to his son who didn't even know me. I was talking to video games.

They dropped me off by my friend's house who wasn't there (must have gone to his girlfriend's house) and so I walked across the street to go to the library and hung out until the pub opened at 11 a.m. and I was shaky and wanting to get drunk. Then of course, I got drunk again. Yes, I am an alcoholic. Just thought I'd share my story.

I'm in AA, and I've been sober for six months now and have an amazing girlfriend. Thank God I'm not in that mess again or anymore. She keeps me going and I don't ever want her to see me drunk like that! She doesn't know me as a drunk, but as a sober, caring, loving boyfriend. I'll remain that way from now on!

By anon250221 — On Feb 25, 2012

I've been blacking out for the last few months. I notice it's always when I drink chardonnay wine because I never have it with any other wine. I've hurt myself twice this morning and I've woken up with a sore mouth. I think I hit my mouth on something, but I'm not sure.

I'll tell you what it really hurts, though. I remember baking with my sister then she left about ten and I just started talking with friends on cam, and then everything went blank, and I remember taking myself to bed, but I don't know what happened in between. I'm starting to think maybe I am an alcoholic.

I've only just moved house recently and I hate where I am and my kids hate it too. I don't get along with the neighbours because of all youngsters around here. These houses have only been up five months, and I'm already going for an exchange.

I have never in my old house got to blackout stage where I don't remember, but here I get it all the time if I drink chardonnay wine. Glad I'm not alone in this. but obviously, to me, it must be where I'm living that's causing me to do this. I'm really annoyed with myself and my mouth is really hurting.

By anon246788 — On Feb 11, 2012

I am a 58 year old female. I blacked out a few days ago and not for the first time. The time before this. I smashed my house up and did not know anything until the next morning. I broke things that could never be replaced. I thought then, yes, I will cut the drinking down.

I don't drink at home -- only when I go out. This last time, it was my birthday and I went out with friends. We started at lunch time as we went out for a meal. On the way home, we stopped off again. I can't remember when we left but when I woke up, I had two chains around my neck. My husband had bought me a locket for my birthday but I was not keen on it. I feel I must have insulted him about it as he has not spoken to me since, and I am too scared to find out what happened. I would not want to hurt him like that, although sometimes he does make me mad but I keep it to myself. When I apologized to my friends, they said that I was just funny so it must have happened when I got home. Yes, perhaps I should give up drinking or just cut down, but my husband is a drinker and it's hard.

By anon245677 — On Feb 06, 2012

The other day I went to a club and drank a fair bit, then on my way home I ran into some people I know who were getting into an argument about to come to blows and I helped them sort that out. Obviously, I was not in such a state that I did not know what was going on.

Then I went to the casino where every time I was up enough to buy a round for the black jack table, I would. This only happened a few times. Then for some reason, I proceeded to play roulette until 7 a.m. and lost a good amount of money. Then I went to the pub that opens at 7. I ordered a drink, had a couple sips and went for a smoke. I went back in and drank a bit more of the pint and went for another, where I threw up and began to get into a panic.

The next thing I remember is someone saying something to me and me not knowing what they said. I became extremely disoriented and was scared of everything and left the pub. I was scared of cars and was hugging a wall while trying to get a cab. I somehow managed to get a cab and called a friend in a panic. Once I got home I broke down, hyperventilated and kept repeating this doesn't make sense, what is happening.

I know I typically drink way too much and when I start drinking I usually don't stop, but this is new to me. Is this me being drugged or having a blackout?

By anon245594 — On Feb 06, 2012

i had a blackout out at my sister's house after drinking 80 percent vodka -- or I assume it was vodka. Luckily for me, my wife has seen the warning signs and got me home quick. While in the taxi, I was in the back seat, and I kept punching my hand and telling the taxi driver I was going to kill him and then tried to head butt him. I am a father of two and this is so out of character for me.

My last blackout was two years ago when I remember walking out of a pub with my mate then nothing. I woke up at the exact point of a fist hitting me on the nose. I was laid on my back with a man punching me and my friend was having a fight with his mate. What I can't understand is why blackout behavior is usually extremely uncharacteristic of your normal behavior or your conscious drinking behavior.

By anon244733 — On Feb 02, 2012

I blacked out while drinking only once. I was 17 and in Daytona with friends. I was guzzling straight vodka from the bottle, chased with beer as fast as I could get it down. I was told that I was climbing balconies 17 stories up to get to some girl's room.

My friends were able to get me back in the room. I guess I stripped naked and at some point started puking my guts out. They tossed me in the bathtub and left me there until I woke up about 12 hours later. I remember stepping out on the balcony, but after that, I blacked out. It took me several days to recover from this. The first day after, I remember lying out on a beach and uncontrollably scratching myself all over until I was bleeding. Disgusting, isn't it?

The most I drink now is a beer or couple of glasses of wine on the weekend.

By anon239368 — On Jan 08, 2012

Last night, I went to a party with some really good friends but I didn't know anybody else at the party. I remember everything up until the point of me making out with one of my friends and after that, I totally can't remember a thing. I have no idea how this even happened. I did drink but it was my friend's drink so I know he couldn't have done anything to it like drug it.

I've drunk a lot more than I did last night before and I've never been that bad. I woke up this morning next to my best friend and she told me I peed my pants in my friend's car and peed on her bathroom floor when we got home. I can't even remember leaving the party. Also we apparently stopped at a pdq gas station for me to throw up and luckily a nurse happened to be there. She told my friends I was definitely drugged.

I also woke up with a black eye and was super, super dizzy, which never happens. Thankfully I was with some really great friends who helped me out all night. I'm so thankful for them. Things could've been a lot worse last night if I hadn't gone with them. It's insane how people drug others. I'm not even sure if I was drugged or just blacked out?

By anon239119 — On Jan 07, 2012

I have blackout stories worse than all of these. It seems that nobody is quite as good as me at doing horrible things, losing friends,and embarrassing themselves. While I don't remember any of the nights (or days in some instances), I so clearly remember the next morning of every one. The feelings of shame, fear, confusion, embarrassment. The timid calls to friends (or ex-friends). While nothing makes me feel any better about what I have done.

Here are some examples:

1. Masturbating naked in an open stall in my college dorm.

2. Breaking into a daycare, stealing the fire extinguisher and throwing it through the window of a car in the parking lot (this was actually a brown out). In the process cutting my finger and leaving a trail of blood that lead directly to my door (yes, the police visited me).

3. Public sex at a party.

These are only the worst ones. I have probably blacked out over 25 times. What is really crazy is that I continue to drink to blackout. Every time the next morning, I tell myself that I will not blackout again. Every time I go out, I tell myself that I will drink responsibly. I have never felt so helpless.

Just last night, I went to see a friend whom I met a few weeks ago. I was looking forward to spending time with him because I don't have many friends in the area (largely in part to my blackouts). It was his girlfriend's friend's birthday. I blacked out and woke up at home. He has told me what I did, and I will not see him again.

I tried to pick up one of the girls, and when she refused (understandably), I was overly persistent (I assume the worst but did not ask for details). The birthday girl tried to intervene and then, in the words of my ex-friend, I "said some really terrible things to her." I couldn't bring myself to ask more about what I did that night or what I said specifically. But one thing is clear: I ruined a nice girl's birthday party, embarrassed myself and lost a friend.

I am going out again tonight, I will leave in an hour. Don't worry, I will drink responsibly and not black out.

By anon231899 — On Nov 27, 2011

I started having blackouts like a year ago. I used to be able to drink quite a bit and be fine, but now I black out after just six or seven beers. I don't understand why the change?

By anon222346 — On Oct 15, 2011

When I typed my crazy question, "why do I blackout after drinking and start smashing stuff up," I didn't actually think there would be an influx of people commenting about the same problem, so I suppose I feel relieved but understand more that this is an issue that needs to be addressed and sorted out, so, here's my story.

I like to go out and have a drink, and usually when you've had a couple, you get the taste for more. I remember having my first drink when I was about eight and getting really hammered on a bottle of vodka when I was 13. I've never thrown up on anything I've drunk, as it's not in my nature to do so, so instead, I just pass out. It doesn't matter when or where it is, but I've noticed now that it happens all the time.

Also, another thing I've noticed is that I can't get really drunk anymore. I either get merry and remember the whole night, or I get plastered and lose all my memory. And, to shock you even more, whoever you are reading this, I've started to fall asleep in pubs – and that ain't even the worst part.

I'm 25 years old and I still haven't done anything about it up until now. Last night was the last straw in the bunch held by the hand of luck. I passed out at the pub for about five or ten minutes and woke up in a blackout. I can't remember leaving and coming home on my own. The only one thing I can remember on my way back home was hitting things quite violently. I won't go into details, but it's better than the other day when I disgraced myself even more by taking a piss in a corridor and falling asleep at the other end. Oh, by the way, did I mention it was a block of flats where other people live that I don't know? No, I didn't did I?

Now all I feel is confused. I don't even have a motive for doing these things and all I feel is guilty for what I've done. It's lucky I haven't ended up in a police cell from being completely out of order.

And another thing: my hands hurt. Not the best thing if you play a music instrument, I can tell you.

So now it really is time to hang up my coat on this life. Otherwise it is game over for me and my future. My subconscious must be mad that I get in the states I do and causes havoc when my brain isn't conscious of what is happening. As long as you have control of what you're doing, you will moderate it as it's your brain and body working together

If you think you don't care and think you're the king of the castle when you drink, like me, then you're only setting yourself up for these blackouts in the future because actually, you do care.

I know this is a long post, but whoever you are who manages to read this, take a leaf out of my book, because I really wish that I had done something about this earlier on. Don't be silly and waste your life away by thinking you don't care, because you do. It's probably just the drink talking.

By anon214779 — On Sep 15, 2011

I'm 24 years old and I've been a heavy drinker since age 15, about three to four days a week and the goal always was to get wasted.

About two years ago, I ended up in the hospital from alcohol intoxication, and that's when I stopped drinking so often (to about once or twice a month). Eight months ago I blacked out at around 3 a.m. in the morning and totaled my car on the highway at 5:30 a.m. I got a DUI. Now I drink once every month or two months, but I keep drinking to the point of blacking out.

Last night I blacked out again and I woke up this morning in my bathroom vomiting. When I looked at myself in the mirror, my face was horrible. It was swollen and scratched with a black eye and a cut. My friends told me I was insanely drunk and I fell pretty hard a couple of times while trying to walk. I think that's it. I quit drinking today, for good.

By amypollick — On Sep 03, 2011

@anon211457: Yes, these feelings of shame are definitely normal when you confront any kind of problem like this. Please get counseling to help you deal with this and then let it go. I am sure it will help you greatly.

You have done yourself and your family a tremendous favor by realizing this about yourself and taking steps to change. That's the hardest part. Now, get some counseling to help you continue in these positive changes. You can do it! Good luck.

By anon211457 — On Sep 02, 2011

I'm so sad to see so many people also go through this, but so relieved I'm not on my own. Four years ago, I went through a painful breakup. I did the not unusual thing: started going out lots with my single friends, drinking, the occasional flirt or kiss with a guy, but somewhere along the line it changed, and I found myself drinking to blackout most weekends.

I did so many completely out of character things. I'm normally a down to earth, sensible, polite person but I would sometimes be promiscuous, say really obscene things, burst into tears for no reason and generally completely embarrass myself. And to make it worse, I would usually only remember small parts of it.

It all came to a head a month ago. I had one of my worst nights ever, behaved appallingly, and felt so awful and ashamed after, that I stopped drinking. In the past month, I have drunk next to nothing and initially was much happier, but now I am remembering and facing up to my behavior of the last years and just cannot stop torturing myself. I replay moments and just feel so low. I feel like locking myself away and never going out. I am lucky to have a loyal and loving family and group of friends, but I feel like there is only a handful of people I can look in the eye. When will this stop? Is this normal when you confront an alcohol issue?

By anon210132 — On Aug 29, 2011

It has been a real blessing reading all those comments because I had one of my blackouts last night and now I suffer from usually two days of depression and a break from drinking for at least month and after that I will probably do more of the unbelievable things I do when I am wasted. I've been to the police, walked into a neighbor's flat instead of mine, drove 80 km and don't remember things, have had numerous hallucinations and so on.

I just have hard time to stop drinking when get to a certain point, then I go into the mode "the more drunk am I, more I will drink".

It is not a problem for me not to drink for six months, but when I am in the zone, I would drink piss if it had alcohol in it.

I guess I am not only one with this embarrassing and dangerous problem.

By anon203895 — On Aug 07, 2011

I have been suffering from blackouts forever. I'm 30 and I have bruises and scabs on me and now I'm not sure where I got them. I think I am trying to eliminate myself from the gene pool. A nurse told me that's what I said to her once, after I was found bleeding from both ears and taken off in an ambulance.

I have an IQ of 144 and I have a good education. I am blessed in so, so many different ways, yet I drink into oblivion.

By anon202070 — On Aug 01, 2011

This happened to me last week at a family get together. I lost about 40 minutess, but not all together. There were moments within the time that I remember, but other things I don't.

I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone, but I do remember I was told that we were leaving. I am so upset that I I'd something stupid in front of my family. I only had three drinks, but it was mixed drinks which I never usually drink.

Anyway, I remember sitting there, then getting up to go to the bathroom, and this is where it gets fuzzy. It seems that as soon as I stood up the alcohol went straight to my head. I am struggling with trying to remember what I was saying or doing in that time frame.

I promise that I would never get drunk around my family because I don't want them to ever see me drunk. However, I feel that is exactly what happened.

By anon200561 — On Jul 27, 2011

I think at one point in their lives, drinking has made everyone black out even for a little while in a drunken memory. Lately I did get drunk and couldn't remember anything I had done. The next day I found out I told a lot of people off for no reason. This is obviously not something I'd do sober, so I put a stop to drinking for now. No one wants to hear how stupid they have acted while drinking because you know you had no control over it.

The whole point is just cut back. I quit for a while and maybe I'll have a beer or two once in a blue moon if I feel like it, but learn to control it. Otherwise, you're pretty much going to be walking around like a zombie.

By anon192911 — On Jul 03, 2011

I just found this site while searching to see if what I have is a problem. From what I can see I think I do. I cut down drinking massively, from a couple of times a week to only once or twice a fortnight, but now instead of having just a few drinks in a night and calling it quits, I now don't seem to be able to stop myself from drinking when I get started, which results in blackouts.

I don't know what I do, but I know I say stupid stuff and do stupid things. I'm not promiscuous, and so far I've managed to avoid falling into bed with anyone, but I feel like I'm constantly putting on friends to take care of me. The problem is a lot of them think it's funny, and say I don't need to worry. It may not be a problem around friends but it is when it's new work colleagues, which happened recently. The only solution I think I have is to not drink at all, before I really get myself into some trouble.

By anon192256 — On Jun 30, 2011

I've been drinking for about five years now, mostly started from the college party scenes, and I partied pretty hard.

But over the past couple years, something has changed, because I've definitely slowed down drinking, but have started to experience blackouts.

At first, they were pretty harmless. I'd find out the next morning I tried peeing on someone's shoes. Or, I crawled into my bath tub and eventually passed out. Funny. Ha, ha. But, that too changed.

Suddenly, I'd start hearing from people the next day that I was acting violently, or saying obscene things to anyone who passed by. Now, this didn't happen often mind you, but over the past few years I can say this has probably happened about six or eight times. And let me tell you this: It's shameful. And it's not me.

I think what may have happened is that since I slowed down how much I drink (once a week), I tried to make up for it by sometimes drinking very heavily. The fact of the matter is, I can't do that anymore. It's fine to go out and get drunk with some friends every once in a while, but to make a jerk out of yourself and hurt people around you? No thanks. It's got to stop.

By anon192098 — On Jun 30, 2011

To post 92: I have found it really hard to deal with the shame, but I have been lucky so far (so far been the scary thing). My partner knows that when he has seen me like that he realized it isn't really me, because he knows what I'm like without the blackouts.

The behavior is really bizarre, and I'm glad he understands. My sister has seen me like that and she was surprised I cannot remember anything, but she knows now from me opening up to her that this really troubles me and I hate it.

The shame, well, if people are genuine friends or loved ones they will forgive you. But most importantly I think you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Cliche, I know. It happened, talk to who you need to and those who love you will support you.

By anon191361 — On Jun 28, 2011

Just like all of you, I suffer from blackouts as well. It used to be a nightly thing for me when I was very young, like 13-18, and then I cleaned up for a few years and would only drink a few times a month.

After college, I started drinking again a lot and making those same mistakes again: sleeping with men I didn't know or care about unprotected, waking up in my bed not remembering when I left the party or how I got home.

A year ago I had a blackout and was driving and drove my car off an overpass. I woke up upside down, hanging from my seat belt and had to break myself out of the window to escape my flaming car. I obviously spent time in jail and for the past year have been going to mandatory classes to get my license back.

This whole year in classes has been extremely expensive and a pain in the butt at times, but it has taught me so very much and has given me the support to be honest with myself and others, which helps the healing process.

I still drink occasionally and just this last weekend had my first blackout in a year. Seeing me like that made my boyfriend worried and mad. I had forgotten how much shame was involved with blacking out and that is my question for all of you: How do you get over the shame?

How do you not feel like you constantly have to apologize to whomever saw you like that?

I feel I am a very wise and vibrant person, but I need some advice on how to stop torturing myself with shame? Thank you for sharing and any advice you may have.

By anon188044 — On Jun 20, 2011

I also have experienced a blackout. From the research I've done from various websites, I've found that a blackout occurs mainly when one drinks a lot in a short period of time, especially hard liquor. It also depends on your state of mind and emotional state.

My first ever blackout, and hopefully last, happened two days ago. Me and some friends got together to party. I remember drinking shots, then next thing I know, I woke up in my bed. I had realized I'd driven home from my friends house. I woke up with bumps and bruises, apparently because I had jumped into the water. The most scary thing is not being able to remember anything. No more alcohol for me.

By anon179106 — On May 23, 2011

I'm relieved I'm not the only person to go through this. I'm a 30 year old female, and in the last couple of years I have blacked out many times. I am so embarrassed, as the things I do are so out of character, like most who have commented. I have been violent, angry towards those I care about. I do things I'm so ashamed of. I dread being told what I have done.

I can't even work out if it's the amount I drink, or what I drink that causes it. It might be a bottle of wine or if I mix my drinks. As I've drank the same on other occasions and only been tipsy, there's no pattern to it. The answer is to stop drinking, but I enjoy the occasional drink.

My father is an alcoholic and there's mental health problems on his side of the family. I worry I'm going to mess up big time one day.

By anon176387 — On May 15, 2011

I have had many a blackout. One time I ran away from my boyfriend at the time and he found me picking up leaves like they were gold and stuffing them in my pocket looking like a maniac and yelling obscenities.

The time that ended the relationship was abroad when he was going through an extremely stressful time I selfishly drank crazy amounts of rum (same amount as him) and ended up calling him names and punching him in the face. I had a fat lip the next morning too - I must have bitten it. But, I don't remember a thing and I have now lost him and will feel shame the rest of my life.

By anon169867 — On Apr 23, 2011

I'm 18 years old and have been drinking for over 3 years now. i started dating my boyfriend (now my ex) when i began drinking, for the first year or so it was all fine and then i began turning into a horrible drunk where i would wake up the next morning not remembering anything.

i started cheating on my boyfriend and would say all these awful things to him. this caused many fights and eventually we broke up. i completely blame myself for this however i think there were underlying problems in the relationship to begin with.

so we broke up 7 months ago now but since then i have still been having blackouts almost every weekend. i have been sleeping around and waking up not knowing where i am or how i got there. i am not like this sober AT ALL and just don't understand how i get like this. not looking forward to work on monday as i kissed one of my co-workers the other night.

By anon169750 — On Apr 22, 2011

I'm Paul, 25 years old. I have slept around, fought, been arrested, insulted, ran nude and any other embarrassing thing you could imagine(blacked-out about 30 times).

What I've learned and advise you all is to just drink one or two light beers when it's a party of any sort or some social event (even a house kickback) and get your drink at alone time. I, for example, have a young girl and girlfriend, but once a week in the twilight hours, I smoke a little cannabis and drink a couple of king cobra malt liquor 40oz (because they are large amounts and force me to drink slowly for three or four hours) while listening to music at my secluded areas (a very isolated beach or forest).

I love drinking by myself now because it really relieves stress and I enjoy those three to six hours of absolute, uninterrupted me time. Some of you do like the alcohol but wish to control it. Just unwind at me times away from everybody else. It's a nice escape for a while.

Important: never get messed up at a party anymore. Save yourself the embarrassment.

By anon168228 — On Apr 16, 2011

Yeah, it's terrible. i had only had about five cups of rum. can't say they were standard drinks, but then I blacked out and caused one of my best friends to hate me because i was trying to start fights and ended up punching four holes into his door. This has lost me his friendship, and from what everyone's saying, i might just have enough to get "buzzed" then lay off.

By anon168045 — On Apr 15, 2011

@anon133891: Try drinking wine? Are you serious? Have you seen someone who drinks wine all day and what the outcome is? Not very pretty. If it has the same affect it has on my hubbs, then I'd warn everyone who was a whiskey drinker to stay away from the winos.

It's just this simple, but i know it will be hard believe me. Limit your drinking and what you drink. Maybe a few beers here and there, just enough to catch that buzz, then just go with it. but if you keep drinking and whatnot, you will black out and if you don't want that, then stop drinking!

By anon164468 — On Mar 31, 2011

I've been blackout drunk numerous times. I have made many mistakes due to this, but the most recent was a real wake up call.

A few days after a blackout night of drinking I contacted my friend to hang out, only to get a response that she was furious with me, that I wasn't welcome at her place, and she wanted me to contact her when i get my life together. She mentioned something along the lines of me saying horrible things about people. I do not remember what i said at all (it must have been pretty bad) and it really scares me.

I don't feel that is the real me. This has made me re-evaluate my drinking as well as myself. I may have lost these friends forever. I certainly have lost respect for myself. why should anyone have any respect left for me?

By anon162647 — On Mar 24, 2011

I've been with my partner six years. the other week he had a "blackout" while out on the town and ended up at some tart's house one minute away from home! i discovered him there passed out on the sofa fully clothed and two girls upstairs in bed, fully clothed. I also discovered scratch marks on his back, but he denies any sexual contact with these girls. He has no memory of this or anything that has happened. But if he has had a blackout, how does he know that he has not done anything wrong? I need to know because it's killing me not knowing.

By anon155576 — On Feb 23, 2011

I've seen it a few times here, to those of you who do not believe in blackouts / memory loss - you're ignorant in that area. Blackouts happen. I had drunk all day, apparently ran out of booze and went to a vendor to buy more. I came out of my blackout with an almost full case of beer and a car that was destroyed on the driver's side. I was alone when I started and alone when I finished. That I know.

By anon155570 — On Feb 23, 2011

I am a blackout drinker. I'm a 42 year old female. Makes no difference what alcohol, beer, wine, spirits. All have the same result. Blackout within four drinks. Whatever you've read on this website - been there and done that.

In the last eight years, I've gotten divorced, (he's where the drinking started).

I have three grown daughters who want nothing to do with me, lost my job of 20 years. The court ordered me to attended AA meetings, I was jailed for 30 days and lost my driving license for six years. (four years remain).

I don't remember what I've done. I've been told of some of what I've done - hated what I heard.

By anon152298 — On Feb 13, 2011

I have two stories of blacking out that I would like to share. The first story is about the first time I blacked out. I met up with a friend I hadn't seen since high school. We bought some hard alcohol, and went back to my basement suite to drink. I don't remember drinking all that much, but we did drink quickly.

I woke up hours later, upstairs, on the living room couch, with no pants or underwear on and apparently I was sleeping with my bare butt facing the front door. My roommate came home from work to find me like that. A few hours later, I was still drunk and couldn't remember what happened the night before. How did I get upstairs? Where are my clothes? Did my friend take advantage of me? Did he make sure I was still alive before he left?

So I went downstairs to try to put the pieces together. I found my phone on the counter and found a puddle of pee on the floor. After I spoke with my friend whom I had been drinking with that night, he told me I tried to give him oral sex, tried to make out with him, asked him if I could hold his penis for him while he pees, etc., etc., etc. I was so totally embarrassed and disgusted with myself. He reassured me that nothing sexual happened between us and that he stayed for a while after I passed out to sober up before driving back home.

The second story is a story about a girl friend of mine. We had been invited to hang-out with some gang members at their place. They were having a small party. After she had a few drinks, she blacked out. We were in the garage, with two gang members. Out of nowhere, she started saying horrible things to them. Swearing at them, calling them names like “You guys are total pieces of bleep! I totally hate you both! You make me sick!” It seemed like no matter what I tried to do to make her stop, she wouldn't stop.

After a while, I left the garage with one of the members. He told me to wait for him inside the house and not to come into the garage. They ended up tying her up with ropes so tightly around her arms and legs that she was bleeding from it. They blindfolded her as well, and took her to some random side of the highway, and left her there. All she remembers is coming to, at the side of the road. I don't have a clue how she made it home but she's lucky she didn't get killed.

Since then, I no longer spend my time with anyone involved in gangs. I had tried to tell them that they should ignore the things she is saying to them because she has no idea what she's doing. I told them she had blacked out. But they were already too angry with her and I guess their minds were already made up.

By anon151213 — On Feb 09, 2011

Blackouts are so embarrassing. I've only been drinking for about two years now, but started blacking out within the first month of my drinking. Now I black out almost every time I drink. I used to have episodes of crying, depression, and many upsetting phone calls while drunk, but after a while that stopped and it turned into bad actions I would do.

I got into fights, slept around, drunk drove many times, injured myself, had police encounters, still continue the drunk calling but have gained a little control over that, and other really stupid things. I also wake up in the morning after a blackout wondering what I did the night before (and also sometimes where I am, or how I got back home), and am afraid to ask my friends what happened because I feel like I don't want to hear the answer.

Friends have gotten mad at me, and stopped talking to me for a period of time because I yell at them or say hurtful things to them, things I don't mean at all. None of my friends really black out so I feel like they don't believe me when I say I don't remember and I didn't mean whatever I said.

Besides the hurtful things I say, I also say embarrassing things that I should really keep personal. Apologies don't really work anymore because I've used them about 20 times too many. I've lost the respect of so many people, and I don't feel like I can ever gain it back.

Writing all this makes it obvious I should stop drinking, or at least stop blacking out, but I can't. I enjoy drinking so much and many times I have a lot of fun. If every time was a bad time I'm sure I would stop, but there's those times where people think I'm hilarious or fun and those are what keep me going.

That's not to say I drink for others' sake; I also really enjoy drinking. I have about 12 drinks on average, a mix of whatever is available, and I don't even know why I drink that much. Everyone says there's a point where I get drunk, and then anything past that they know will be a blackout, so they try to get me to stop but once I'm drunk I just want more and more and more.

Many times they have to hide the bottle from me or tell me it's gone. I think the reason I keep drinking is because I'm young and in college and it's okay to mess around, but I also know that's just me trying falsely justifying it. I tell myself once I graduate college I will slow down dramatically. I just hope my body can handle it for another year and a half.

By anon150328 — On Feb 07, 2011

I'm embarrassed. i live in a small town, i went out as i have before had lots of fun. But woke up missing a tooth, face swelled and lost my truck. I asked my husband why my dishes were in the garbage. He couldn't believe i didn't remember anything. I lost over seven hours.

I beat him up bad, i beat his friend. Busted my mouth on a car trying to beat him. I tore up my kitchen, and throw him out. And i don't recall any of this. He isn't mad at me because he said to me that all the years we've been together he's never seen me like that. This man truly loves me. He thinks i was drugged. I am ashamed.

By anon150290 — On Feb 07, 2011

I'm 21 years old and have been a heavy drinker since I started at age 14. I've had five underage drinking tickets and I got an OWI about eight months ago. I totaled my first car in a ditch driving drunk when I was 17.

I am a good person at heart, but I do really bad things when I'm drunk, and then I spend the rest of my time hating myself for the things I've done. A couple of years ago I did something that I never talk about with anyone, not my best friends, my boy friend nor my family. While in a raging blackout after a verbal fight with an old best friend, I set her car on fire. Obviously that's a felony. So now I am on probation and I'm not allowed to drink, and I still do. I was in jail for 10 days when I got that OWI.

You would think I've had more than enough eye openers and I would want to stop drinking but I don't. Ninety percent of the time, when I drink I have a great time. I just don't know what to do.

Last night I didn't do anything horrible but I feel so guilty just for talking to strangers at the bar and telling them personal stuff. I have made some positive changes to my drinking habits like I never drink and drive anymore. I think its a horrible thing to do and I feel guilty for all the times I have done it. I constantly think about how I betrayed my old best friend and it's the worst feeling. No one would ever think that I would do something like that.

I'm a pretty girl with a lot of friends, a good boy friend, good family, I'm in college, I work retail, I'm a college cheerleader. I have everything going for me but I just wish I could go out with my friends, get drunk, have a great time, without blackouts, going crazy angry or ending up crying over something stupid. I also worry that I'm going to end up in jail. I'm really good at overcoming things. I have been through a lot, and I don't let things get in the way of my happiness, but on these days where I feel this guilt, I don't know how to overcome it.

By anon149709 — On Feb 05, 2011

I love alcohol to the point where it is scary. I always drink faster than everyone in the room and it's not on purpose. There have been a variety of blackouts that have occurred from this problem.

This past new years, I provoked a fight with three different people, finished off a bottle of Jack, and don't even remember watching the ball drop. Apparently I was the closest to the tv. A couple days ago I went to the buffet with some friends pretty hammered and didn't even realize one of them poured salt into my hot chocolate while I wasn't looking. I don't even remember the meal I had. When I finally come to in the morning, there's no recollection of how I woke up where I did. Drinking is a hobby for me. I'm honestly not sure when I will quit or if I even will.

By anon149415 — On Feb 04, 2011

I am a blackout drinker. I'm a college student and I always black out when I drink now but I always thought it was funny because nothing terrible ever happened, until recently.

Last week, I woke up in another man's bed with no recollection of how I got there. To my horror, I later found out that we had public sex. I can't blame him because he blacked out as well and doesn't remember the night either.

I have traumatized myself and feel like a slut. I know I have a problem and I'm going to give up drinking for a while but I feel like there's no taking this back or forgetting it either. I don't want to be touched or in crowded spaces.

I feel claustrophobic and short of breath and loss of appetite. I feel like people can see right through me. This is really hard but I'm going to break the cycle. I won't ever let this happen again.

By anon149099 — On Feb 03, 2011

I've been engrossed in these comments, as I've been suffering from the same problem.

Last summer, i spent a lot of days drinking in the afternoon and passing out all day. Now this year, every time I go out drinking, I can't stop. The next day I wake up in my room at the flat, and only have a flash of a memory and the rest is blank. My blackouts are for hours at a time and I don't snap out of them.

I'm either angry or sad and I will pick on my friends and tell them how much I hate them, and how much I hate myself. I want to stop drinking. I will literally have a panic attack the next day thinking about, "omg what have i done? Did someone take advantage of me..could i have cheated on my boyfriend..maybe someone raped me."

All of the times i have been lucky enough to end up in my own bed fully clothed, but it's still scary. Knowing no matter what you will never know exactly what happened. Recently I had an incident at my boyfriends parent's funeral, where i lashed out at his father, calling him a bad word, and so on. I was not raised this way and would never say such things. It's totally mortifying and I don't understand how he forgave me. It's such a shame that, at the age of 20, I have to give up drinking altogether, but truth be told, a sober life is better than one I can't remember.

By anon146940 — On Jan 27, 2011

I have appreciated what everyone has shared. I am feeling really alone in this area. I am a blackout drunk. I am guaranteed to black out every time I consume alcohol. I always end up doing things that make me feel awful to hear about. I feel like such a bad person.

Last night I blacked out and abused my boyfriend. I told him how much I hate him and called him terrible names. I punched him. I broke up with him.

Like many of you have said already that you've done things in a blackout you normally wouldn't do or say sober, this is a situation that I would not do sober. I love my boyfriend so much. I love my family so much also. They've also been at the receiving end of my alcoholism. I feel terrified. I feel really nuts. I feel so ashamed.

By anon142092 — On Jan 12, 2011

I'm a 25 years-old girl. I've been getting blackouts more and more frequently.

I often attend parties where everyone is trying to get drunk as fast as possible. I like being tipsy but I have problems with the speed in which the alcohol hits me. I'm going to have slow drinks and keep on drinking because I think I feel the effect. Then it's like a retarded effect, and all of a sudden I'm too drunk. Once I'm drunk, all I want is to drink more, even if it's not what I would normally want to do.

I used to forget some parts or details of my nights but now it's gotten to be full-on blackouts.

I'm a pretty girl but never hook up with guys because I'm shy or they say they're intimidated by me. Once I'm drunk, I'm the total opposite and will act desperate to sleep with guys. I'm even finding myself wanting to drink because it's the only way I'm going to have sex. I find that pathetic, but it's the reality.

I must have not remembered having sex at least 10 times. Once i woke up alone in my bed still wearing clothes, without my panties and there were three condoms on the floor. I felt like I've been abused, but that was probably not the case. I must have been wanting it.

Sometimes i have memory flashes of some stuff that happened. Like once I drove a car around while being totally wasted. I would never do that. I'm scared that some really bad stuff is going to happen while I'm on a blackout.

I don't want to stop partying, but I don't know how to control myself with alcohol. I also hate missing the party. I try to eat well, sleep a lot and not drink spirits, but it's not improving.

Reading your posts has helped me realize that i have a problem and that I'm not the only one.

By anon138836 — On Jan 02, 2011

My girlfriend said she went to a new years eve party and started drinking. But then doesn't remember anything from the night before, just waking up in her bed the next morning. She's only 15 and doesn't really drink much at all. But the thing is she said she doesn't know what happened and fears she may have cheated on me. But if this happened, would it not be considered rape?

I just need help with what to do. I'm so confused. We both feel terrible about what happened and our relationship is practically over because of this. Should I forgive her? Because she didn't consciously choose to do anything? Things are so hard right now. Any help would be appreciated so damn much.

If you reply, please use 'psychosis' so I know you're referring to me.

By anon138035 — On Dec 30, 2010

I have been absolutely devastated by a blackout this boxing day. The guy I have been seeing for the last couple of months, invited me to his friend's party, where all his friends that I had never met were there. I drank champagne (not unusual for me), chatted happily with two of the girls for the first two hours. We got there about 10:30 a.m.

I came out of it and it was night time, the guy I have been seeing is saying how can you forget this, you were saying it like five minutes ago. He then became very agitated, and I was confused by what he was saying that I had done and said, he was saying all my friends are saying it to, I was like what? I have no idea what you are talking about. He then started shouting and shouting at me.

I was so confused and embarrassed as he was shouting at me in front of people. I had no idea what he was talking about and every time I said I don't know, he got angrier. I didn't know how or why to defend myself verbally, so I lashed out and punched him, he grabbed me in some sort of a headlock, managed to split my lip and heavily bruise it, pushed me down the hallway and onto a bed. Fortunately it was broken up and I got someone to fetch me. I was hysterical, I had no idea what had happened -- only that he had been ranting and raving and then we ended up in a physical scuffle.

He didn't contact me the next day, and at about 4 p.m., I sent him the photo of me all busted up.

He then replied and told me what I had done, how in the moment he would confront me and within seconds I would completely deny the accusations. I had no memory of the lost time (about six hours) or what I was being asked in the blackout.

I have been devastated by what I have done. Some of the things were so out of character for me, that I could not even perceive them to be true and that he was lying to me.

He has told me he wants no further contact with me and for the last couple of days we had none, but he did contact me yesterday. Where I have been able to discover that it is all true. Our relationship is now over, however he says he totally believes that I have no memory of the incident. He says he totally forgives me as I do him for the scuffle.

Honestly, I'm not that kind of person and he said he knows that, but I obviously blew it with him.

I'm 30 and while I've had an occasional and minor memory loss of segments of my night outs, never like this and to this degree, with such major effects.

By anon134247 — On Dec 14, 2010

I am an 18 year old who just recently had a blackout the past weekend!

It was horrible! It all started good at a work party, and before i knew it i was drunk, but okay. Then blank! gonzo. i wasn't there anymore. The next day i realized i peed myself and lost my entire wallet and forgot everything that had happened during certain hours of the night. I ended up finding out some embarrassing things that i would have not done if i were sober.

Sexual remarks and unpleasant things were in this category. I am quitting drinking because this is a big wake up call for me. I do not want anything worse to happen to me, and by the way, i have an exam tomorrow. Perfect!

By anon134096 — On Dec 13, 2010

well it happened this weekend that just passed. I was at a party and i was doing all good until i drank so much, like come on, it was seven of us who pitched on a texas mickey so i had to drink it. but being a dumb person i had to work at 8 a.m. so i drank a lot in a short amount of time, and before you know it i was hammered to the point that the policemen came because a fight happened.

I told him to not touch me again and never say rude things again to me and he said that i should cover up and shouldn't say stuff about young girls! so anyway, as the party is going on and on i kept drinking and i couldn't remember, i ended up kissing my best friend telling him i love him. next thing you know I'm in bed with a different dude thinking, like what came over me?

i wake up in the morning, just wondering what happened, and he said he pulled out, but how do i know that this was true?

help me. black outs are definitely the most embarrassing things in life and also the most dangerous! like i didn't know what came over me. i know i am a flirt but i don't remember anything after 11 p.m. i hope i wasn't date raped I'm so sick of being like this every weekend and i am still in high school. like what came over me? help me with my situation please?

By anon133972 — On Dec 13, 2010

In my early 20's I suffered terribly with blackouts (drink induced). I must have had well over 100. Around one blackout every week, and sometimes a binge would last up to three days and I would lose all of that time. Scary as hell I can tell you.

I am female. I slept around, got beat on, I was verbally extremely aggressive and most of the time nobody would know where I was because I would just go off and do my own thing, often waking up in the beds of men I had no interest in. I hurt and worried my family sick.

I'm still ashamed to this day and I've only had around two blackouts in two years. I have now been sober for four and half months. I am pregnant and absolutely know I can never drink again, because I cannot drink without blacking out. I cannot drink normally; I drink to get drunk. It's an hereditary problem from my dad's side, coupled with serious mental health problems on my mum's side. Not a good mix.

I can tell anyone trying to give up that at first it's really hard, as it's not just an addiction but a habit, but over time the length between one binge and another does increase until eventually you hardly think about drink at all.

Occasionally, but rarely, and your life improves so much. Unfortunately it wasn't just a change in drinking habits for me, it was a change of my entire life. I realized I had no idea who I was, and I'm still learning now. I had a nightmare last night that I got really drunk and slept around and seriously hurt somebody and this morning I woke up really depressed. That's why I'm on here. I wanted to post in case anybody wanted to talk about this. I don't want all that lost time and memory to have been in vain if I can help anybody. I'm 27 by the way.

By anon133942 — On Dec 13, 2010

I have had many blackout episodes and have been drinking heavily since I was 19 years old, I am 25 now. Every time an episode occurred it seemed to get worse and worse.

I'm too ashamed to go into details of most, but there are four specific episodes that have been absolutely horrible. One night, I blacked it all out but one thing: I grabbed a knife and tried to stab myself and was right in front of my girlfriend. I don't even have thoughts like that normally. Another time we had gotten into an argument and she thinks I tried to hit her but isn't sure but she called the cops and I ended up naked somehow and cussed out two policemen.

The third big incident I was drinking all day and mixed liquor. Apparently I hit some random person with a beer bottle and no one could figure out why then they picked it up and beat the crap out of me which I had coming. Shortly after that I ended up in the hospital for pancreatitis from drinking which most of the time people in their 40's and up get from drinking for years. This last incident I started up again and slowly started drinking more again each day to "cure" the hangover. Last thing I remember was playing halo with some friends on live.

I had two friends coming over and for some reason when they got there I was naked. I don't remember seeing or talking to them. I also cussed out my brother and told him I hated him, when I love him very much and he is a great role model. There is no telling what I said to my friends but I haven't asked them, I've been too afraid and ashamed to but apparently they got an eyeful.

I'm glad my brother knows I was drinking now because he wants to help and so do my friends. I was too ashamed to tell him I was sneaking and doing it but he could tell. I have had many wake up calls and second chances and I don't want to die. If I can't handle staying away from alcohol with my brother's, help I'm going to seek professional help.

By anon133891 — On Dec 12, 2010

Best advice I can give to help keep you from blacking out is stay away from large amounts of hard liquor. I get frank the tank syndrome around it and have never blacked out drinking only beer. It's always the hard liquor that takes me over board.

So stay away from vodka, whiskey, bourbon, gin and other high alcoholic content drinks, and try drinking wine or beer; they aren't as intoxicating.

Some beers are more friendly then others. I would stick with beer that is no higher then 7 percent by volume. Beers like evil eye steel reserve and old english are not recommended. Also if you are taking pills never drink. this can cause blackouts and stomach ulcers. Just remember: drink responsibly.

By amypollick — On Nov 30, 2010

@Anon130629: Very simple. Stop drinking. As in zip, zilch, nada. Don't go clubbing with them. Find another activity besides drinking and pursue it. Take martial arts or yoga, or do something else to help relieve your stress.

The only 100 percent way to stop blacking out while drinking is to stop drinking. Period. Millions of AA members can attest to that fact.

By anon130629 — On Nov 29, 2010

my friends and I went out sat night, the norm, going clubbing. and I drank way too much. i got thrown out the club and I was passed out on a couch. i feel so ashamed. my friends got me into my house, i was loud woke up my neighbors. ugh.

it is monday and I still feel like crap. my friends took pictures of me all drunk. i blacked everything out. i feel ashamed because it is just not me to act like such a fool.

i have been through a lot this past year, but even though i don't drink every weekend, maybe once a month, i get so out of control. i told my friends I'm not ever drinking again. They said yeah, right. how do i prove to them I'm done?

By anon130248 — On Nov 27, 2010

I've been a heavy drinker for 20 years, but only started having blackouts two years ago. I'm not drinking more than before. Maybe it has to do with getting older? It's the most horrible thing to not remember and be scared to talk to your boyfriend the next day, and find out what you did.

AA meetings, counseling and medication have not helped me quit drinking. I'm afraid my boyfriend will get fed up and leave me. He can't understand how I could forget whole conversations, or sex with him!I didn't realize you could have a blackout while still coherent and seemingly sober.

I've peed my pants and the bed numerous times, and had several serious injuries during the blackouts. I'm so scared of ruining my life. I need to stop, but why can't I?

By anon127356 — On Nov 16, 2010

Reading these posts have made me feel a little better. I myself blackout while drinking, but not every time I drink. I actually lost almost all my friends due to sleeping with a guy one of my friends really liked. Problem is, I kept sleeping with him after the fact because he kept hitting on me and made me feel like if I didn't he was going to rat me out. In the end, everyone found out and I ended up alone and friendless for the most part.

I haven't been drinking for seven months. Maybe the occasional drink with dinner, but that's it. Right now I'm dating the love of my life and he stopped drinking four years ago. Well, we went to a wedding the other night and I made sure I only had a few drinks and drank them slowly. The wedding was good and I didn't get drunk, but the wedding reception ended at 6:30 so I decided to go have a couple margaritas. Got liquid courage and decided to drag my boyfriend to my old stomping ground.

Well, I remember drinking the first beer and then I woke up in my bed, not sure what happened or how I got there. The most embarrassing part is I peed the bed and my boyfriend was with me. When I woke up he told me and said we should go to his house to sleep. So I did. The next morning he told me everything I did and how I was yelling to strangers "my boyfriend is embarrassed by me," not to mention I kept asking him to have sex with me, which he did cause he just wanted me to shut up.

I feel so bad because he's the last person I want to be upset with me or hate me.

Sorry this was so long, but I had to tell someone cause I feel like total crap. My boyfriend says he loves me and just kept making jokes about it, but we both know I got way too drunk for my own good. I'm going back to not drinking and am glad he doesn't drink anymore cause it would be tempting if he did.

By the way, I've done way worse in the past and most of it was blacking out and having sex with guys I know and guys I just met, etc. I'm just lucky my boyfriend was there to watch me. Not sure if this helps anyone, but I hope it does.

By anon125919 — On Nov 10, 2010

My friends know me as either the emotional drunk or the violent drunk. In most cases when I start to flash on a random person they just yell at me and I snap back into reality smile and calm down. they are real good at defusing my drunkenness before it gets out of control and we usually laugh about it the next day.

But Last weekend the worst of the worst happened and I had a life time wake up call. Me, my friends and my sister celebrated my 30th birthday in Vegas. The first night was a blast. I maintained but the second night I was given 20 too many b day shots and the last thing I remembered was the limo to the club but nothing in the club, and when I snapped back into reality my sister was on the hotel room floor curled into a ball. blood was everywhere and she was crying, begging me to stop. We had got kicked out of the club because I couldn't stand.

when we got to the hotel room I was throwing up into a bag. my sister told me to go to the toilet and I snapped, got in her face, she punched me and I ended up grabbing her and pulling her to the floor where I sat on top of her and punched her repeatedly in her face for 15 minutes. I was out to kill her. Thank god my cousin pulled me off.

My sister cried and all I saw was blood everywhere, her eye swollen shut and her whole face busted open. Once I realized what I had done to someone so close to me, someone I love, I then cried too and apologized repeatedly. The next morning we made up and got massages. We live together and are super cool.

we joke about it all the time but deep down I cannot forgive myself. I still see her bloodied face crying and begging me to stop and it kills me inside that I could hurt my little sister the way I did and was out for blood. I thank god my cousin stopped me. I could never live with myself if I had killed her or caused permanent damage.

My friends whom I went to vegas with witnessed the whole thing and they left the hotel without a good bye and have not spoken to me since. I recently heard from another friend who wasn't there that they are going around saying how they don't want to hang with me that they fear for their lives, and basically the friendship is over. Mind you these are "were" my best friends. I am a great friend and I always did everything for these girls.

I'm so hurt inside that this one incident ruined a friendship and can't understand how my sister can instantly forgive me but my best friends can't and are only talking negatively about me as if I killed their first born. I had contacted them apologizing for them having to witness that and vowed to not drink around them again and change my ways but they are not trying to hear me out.

All in all, this was a reality check. I understand now that I cannot handle my liquor and I will put an end to this. I hurt my sister, lost my friends and it can't get any worse. I hit my bottom and I will learn from this and become a better person and let go of the hard liquor before I hurt someone else I love.

My boyfriend of eight years has put up with my drunken abuse and for a minute there it almost cost me our relationship of eight years. We have come to a understanding that we cannot drink together and since then we have been great now that we no longer drink or party together. I wish my friends would ve gave me at least that chance but it is what it is. You win some, you lose some. In this case I feel as if I lost.

By anon124953 — On Nov 08, 2010

I'm 19 years old, and i drink on the weekends. i am in college so i consider it sociably acceptable to do so. however i never noticed that i do this until just now, but i believe i may be "genetically" imposed to blackouts. i can drink very little, or to an extreme amount; either way i will almost always blackout.

this is probably not good and i don't consider it to be a problem but i don't know what to do either. maybe watch how quickly i consume? i just feel like it happens every time i drink and I'm not sure what to do.

By anon122625 — On Oct 28, 2010

i had a similar experiences the other night. I guess i am a bad alcoholic but i didn't realize how bad until the other night. I blacked out and slept with someone else. I woke up the next day and he was leaving and i didn't have a clue why until my kids told me.

I can't believe i am capable of doing such a thing. Thank god he came back to me because he too, is an alcoholic and realized it never would have happened if we would have just quit drinking. Now we have to get past this and i hate myself. We have been sober for a few days now and other than the shakes i think we can pull through this together.

Like everyone else we are never drinking again and like one post i saw, we are putting it in gods hands. I don't expect this to be easy, but we have each other to get through this and make sure the other one doesn't slip. It was a horrible thing that happened but it brought us closer to each other and god and i guess this is what it took to wake us up and make us realize what we have and what we could have lost.

By anon121954 — On Oct 26, 2010

A few days ago I was drinking after work. I have been upset, stressed and generally unhappy. I had about the same amount of alcohol I usually do, which wasn't too much for me (two Quad drinks, A mindbleep, and four beers).

I remember to the beginning of the beers and after that, it's a solid blackout. I had to ask all of my work buddies what happened and everyone said I was fine apart from flashing everyone, which no one complained about. What I didn't know, was that the man driving me and another friend home was drunk and had plans to take advantage of me.

The next day I had no idea what happened until he came up to me and asked if I had fun. Found out we ended up sleeping together in his car. He is twice my age and married. I wanted to kill myself I had no idea what happened and it scared me.

Now I'm spiralling into a depression, all from blacking out. Never drinking again.

By anon121880 — On Oct 25, 2010

Thank you all for giving me such insight into this. I can definitely relate to the feelings some of you have. My boyfriend recently threw a bday party for me which was the sweetest and nicest thing ever.

But, instead of having a good time, I drank, blacked out and can't remember a part of the night. Our relationship is horrible right now but I hope it gets fixed soon. I like to drink but I will definitely stop for my relationship as well as myself.

By anon121479 — On Oct 24, 2010

To the girl who mentioned she started taking prozac: you shouldn't mix alcohol with antidepressants. It actually says so on the bottle. SSRIs (like prozac, lexapro) increase the effects of alcohol and can lower you're seizure threshold when mixed with alcohol. I had a serious blackout while drinking and I take lexapro. Obviously, I don't drink anymore. Hope this helps.

By anon121475 — On Oct 24, 2010

I was partying nearby at a friends and we were drinking. I had 1 and half 40 oz., maybe two and I was on cough medicine because I was sick.

The next morning I woke up in my bed and didn't remember how I got home. I went outside only to see that my car was totally smashed up on the driver side. I said "who the hell hit my car?" Turns out that I hit a woman in parked car, overcorrected and hit a tree on the other side. I don't think I was even aware of it happening at the time.

Apparently I yelled at her and then drove off. I parked perfectly where I always do, walked in the house, turned on the oven and put in a pizza, walked downstairs and passed out. The oven was on for five hours before it woke up my roommate. I could have died in the car crash or killed someone and I could have burned my place down. Scariest morning of my life. Not drinking ever again.

By anon119550 — On Oct 18, 2010

I have experienced this a few times also. Always wondered if my sugar dropped or maybe something to do with having low blood pressure?

Obviously, drinking is the main culprit but just seems weird how it happens sometimes and not others. I went out with friends the other night. I remember everything about being at the bar, and then getting back to my friends place. Playing the guitar and singing.

But apparently somewhere between that I went in the store, bought popcorn, etc., don't remember any of that. I would have never even known we stopped anywhere else if my friends hadn't told me. Pretty scary and can't use the young excuse anymore. Just need to realize this is and could be a major problem with major consequences.

I want to have fun and go out but apparently don't know when to stop or this wouldn't happen. Hope I can be strong and realize that those three beers eventually turn in to 12 plus.

By anon118796 — On Oct 15, 2010

I just had my experience a couple of days ago. Went out with friends to relax and watch monday night football and ended up bar hopping.

Last thing I remember was around 1 a.m. and then I woke up at a diner five hours later in the passenger side of my car. Needless to say I obviously had some wise decisions that night because I had a few scrapes and bruises on my arms and hands along with a busted driver side door.

Freaking out and not knowing what had happened, I drove myself to the girlfriend's house which didn't make things any better since it was 6 in the morning. Now my night ended with a relationship in turmoil, a busted up car, and no one to tell me what had happened!

By anon114712 — On Sep 29, 2010

About the boyfriend blacking out: This interests me because my boyfriend also claims that he 'blacks out' and doesn't remember a thing. I have difficulty understanding and think it is just an excuse for him to do whatever he pleases when drunk.

He stayed out all night this weekend and said he doesn't know where he ended up. I don't want to sleep with him anymore. I just need to understand this blackout thing. Maybe people who have experienced it can explain as I just don't get how you wouldn't wake up at some point and realize you were in the wrong place.

By anon114019 — On Sep 27, 2010

I'm 34 and drinking alcohol since i was teenager. I have never had a serious blackout since last night. We had an argument with my husband, and I left home and went to city center to the bars. I don't remember how i get there, what i did for five hours or how i returned back at home. All my body parts are full of bruises.

I'm really worried about what I did last night. I might have been sexually abused. I don't remember anything. I have the feeling that I want to die. I won't drink anymore again. I know that it will be difficult but I lost my everything with alcohol. Self esteem, time and relationships. I don't want a life full of regrets and embarrassments. I hope I can forgive myself for all the things that I've done when I was drunk until now. God really help all of us!

By anon113955 — On Sep 26, 2010

When I drink, and drink too much which causes a blackout for me, I usually feel good in the morning that it's a good night. This probably isn't very good, and my friends just usually joke about it to (it happens to them too).

Once two of my mates and I were out drinking, and we got to one of their places, crashed out and couldn't remember anything from that night or how we got back. However, they still talk about how good it is.

Fortunately, this doesn't happen often for me anymore so hopefully I'm on the right track now.

By amypollick — On Sep 06, 2010

@Anon109219: If your boyfriend won't get help, you need to. Please look up Al-Anon in your local phone book and go to a meeting. This group is worldwide and is especially for people who are the friends and families of alcoholics.

If he abuses you again, you also need to call the police. Yes, I know -- you love him. Well, sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for someone is to make them face the consequences of their actions. If you don't, this behavior will continue, and he will send you one of two places: the hospital or the morgue. You may think this will never happen, that he would never hurt you seriously enough to kill you, but you can't know that for sure, can you? If he does kill you, he will then be up on murder charges. He can become accountable now, or after you're dead.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but loving someone means you want what's best for them. The best thing for this guy is to face his problems. But you also have to want what's best for you, which is not this kind of life.

By anon109219 — On Sep 06, 2010

I am the girlfriend of an alcoholic. When he is sober he is a fine man, someone you want to be friends with, play horse shoes with, go fishing with, have cook-outs with friends/family. But when he drinks he will fight his best friend, and even me. He is very violent.

When I ask him not to drink with friends they think it's because I'm being a witch, but I'm not. I know what it's like to have him come home and tear up the house, and hit on me, choke me, slam my head against the wall.

And all of the things that go on around him, negative events that he causes, he doesn't remember anything. Then when we all try to explain to him what happened, what he did, he cries and promises that he will never hit me, or do or say those things that he did and said. He always has blackouts, no matter how much he drinks, or what he drinks. He is a violent drunk, never a nice, fun loving, get on your nerves drunk, and it's scary because what do you do when you love the person?

I can't make him get help. What to do?

By anon107774 — On Aug 31, 2010

i drink pretty often on the weekends with my friends and i usually handle it well but the other night i must have drunk too much because the last thing i remember was drinking a lot of beer and then hours later my memory came back because i remember getting in my friend's car to go home.

i guess i was acting like a skank and was saying completely ridiculous things. it was very embarrassing to hear it all the next morning! I'm watching my drinking from now on.

By anon101439 — On Aug 03, 2010

I have been drinking every weekend since the age of 16 and i have had many blackouts. i have never been in trouble with the law or hurt, well, not too bad other than some scratches and bruises.

But even though i don't remember some parts of those nights they're the best I've ever had and i agree it most definitely not healthy but i wouldn't change it or give it up for the world.

By anon98492 — On Jul 23, 2010

I am 30 and have had many "blackouts." Most recently i got on facebook and was IMing my boyfriend's sister. Then I recall trying to get in the shower with the boyfriend, but apparently I couldn't stand and grabbed the shower curtain for support. Down it fell, and I fell out of the shower onto the floor with the shower curtain wrapped around me. Then I went blank.

Apparently the rude IMs weren't enough and I proceeded to call his sister at midnight four times and said horrible things to her, telling her she wasn't perfect and saying untrue things about my boyfriend. I don't recall any of the calls. I woke up in the morning (had peed the bed), and took my contacts out, and had new bruises.

My boyfriend sister wants nothing to do with me and he is very disappointed. I know I need to quit drinking. I just started last week taking prozac and I wonder if that had anything to do with it. Just totally scary and I'm sick of this alcohol induced anxiety!

By anon97395 — On Jul 19, 2010

A few nights ago I went out with my boyfriend and some friends. We drinking our usual amount.

The next morning I woke up on the couch in pjs and blankets and a pillow from the bedroom. I thought how sweet he must have covered me up. I couldn't remember leaving the bar. I guess I was acting drunk but not violent or anything.

They said i passed out on the couch at about 1:00 and that was it. My boyfriend did not cover me up, so at some point I went in the bedroom and got clothes and blankets and pillows.

Also the next morning i had some bruises in varies areas and a serious scratch on my side. I had broken the table in the night, glass and porcelain.

It could have been so much worse.

My family members are all alcoholics - not that they would admit it. So I think I have to be done.

By anon95252 — On Jul 12, 2010

I have blacked out a few times in my life, and it depresses me for days after every time. I do consider myself lucky that I have never broken the law or been hurt or abused, however certainly there has been some embarrassment!

It had been a year since any sort of blackout, and I thought I finally could control my liquor, but two nights ago I guess not! I went dancing with my girlfriends and there are full out conversations I don't remember, dancing on a table -- and sloppily kissing a bartender!

I've had a few other nights too that I just don't remember: hours of conversations, dancing, games, etc. Once I said horrible, cruel things to my boyfriend and can't remember a word of it! And even if I don't get hurt, it still depresses me that nights I had really been looking forward to I'll now forever have no memory of.

It scares me that chunks of my life are just forever gone now. Got to work on keeping control.

By anon95008 — On Jul 11, 2010

I have been married to an alcoholic for 29 years. Of course all of those years have not been bad. There have some precious and unforgettable memories and two wonderful adult children. He's been trying to stop most of this year.

A couple of weeks ago he had a blackout drinking episode and drove the car. He has already had two dui's, so I'm constantly concerned about a third. A verbal altercation ensued, then he hit me several times and beat my head against the side of my van. I had him arrested for domestic assault. He does not remember a thing.

We are getting help from our families right now, and we have decided to short sale our lovely home. He wants to make himself well and he's going to AA regularly. I've allowed him to come back into the home to help clean up and pack up. I don't know what the future will bring for us. I'm putting it in God's hands.

By anon93668 — On Jul 05, 2010

"I don't remember leaving the bar or anything. I woke up in the morning in my underwear next to one of my friends -- not a close friend but a bar buddy. He was naked."

How much did you drink? Almost sounds like date rape.

By anon93667 — On Jul 05, 2010

I was drinking hanging out by the pool and had a few too many. Don't remember much past 10 pm. I am looking through my phone and see text messages I don't remember seeing and phone calls I don't remember making.

I talked to this girl I like for 10 min and don't know what we talked about, if we made plans etc. My shirt had pizza sauce all over it, not sure if I just sloppily ate pizza or if I threw up. I am so sad. Not going to drink again for 30 days and then will re-evaluate. Not going to drink heavily again!

By gcasimm — On Jun 30, 2010

Okay. My boyfriend does this quite a bit. I found an e-mail open that talked about where he has slept with his aunt during a black out binge. He has had times where he doesn't remember having sex with me during his black outs. Is that really possible because I am having a hard time believing that you can black out and have sex without knowing.

By anon92285 — On Jun 27, 2010

I went out with my husband last night for a few drinks. I had four drinks over a three 1/2 hour time period. For an unknown reason, I went into a total rage and got into a physical confrontation with my husband. His face looks like hell. The weird thing is, I don't remember any of it!

I remember going to the bar, and next thing I recall was standing in my driveway looking at blood running down my husband's face. I can't stop crying. I can't believe that I did that to him. I don't know what happened. We think someone put something in my drink because he said I was not acting like myself at all. He said I was getting aggressive with people in the bar. I honestly don't remember a thing.

By anon92251 — On Jun 27, 2010

I'm pretty young and was drinking just the day before yesterday. i have gotten really wild before when drinking but recently slowed down. usually i blackout when i drink hard liquor like E&J but i always drank so much i never really knew my limit so now i just try to stick to old e.

Anyway, i blacked out the other night and don't remember a thing. I remember going to the car to go home and i woke up in my house. good thing because i was all scratched up and was hoping i didn't have sex with anyone. I'm a female, by the way.

I was with the boy who lives next door and i had only met him and his friends once. they seemed nice, though. the next morning i had to go over there to see if i left my shades and he just told me the only crazy thing i did was try to climb the fence next to my house. Wrong. I did try to have sex with two of the guys and they're not even cute. Neither one of them said we did anything but i will never know and anyone who took the time to read this, female or male, I personally have had a man have sex with me while i was passed out and i don't remember a thing.

Be careful and if you tip it, try to sip it.

By anon91221 — On Jun 20, 2010

I'm 24 years old and a few nights ago I had my second blackout. I don't remember leaving the bar or anything. I woke up in the morning in my underwear next to one of my friends -- not a close friend but a bar buddy. He was naked. I asked him what happened and he said we messed around but was hazy and didn't know if we had sex. I didn't have any bruises but one of my boobs was sore when i pushed down a certain area of it, and same thing next to my privates.

I will never know what happened. I do know I was wearing a tampon and it was gone in the morning when I woke up! I didn't even want to have sex with him. I had no control over myself whatsoever. I'm just glad I ended up somewhere semi-safe. Wake up call for me. Horrible.

By anon90387 — On Jun 15, 2010

Words of wisdom here folks and please take it. do not drink so much to where you black out. i have blacked out over 100 times in my short time on this earth.

i was on paxil, and i would binge drink, and smoke pot excessively. This pattern continued for ten years. I have blacked out and gotten in fights, i have blacked out and gotten arrested, injured myself, overdosed on sleeping pills, gotten friends evicted from their apt. and the list goes on. I have not been drunk in over a year now (yay) and that isn't even the hard part. I do not remember large chunks, months years of my life. The depression and anxiety i now experience everyday of my life is severe. I am on a cocktail of prescription drugs to keep me stable.

The damage that this has caused me mentally and emotionally i have barely even been able to comprehend. I now live at home with my parents and am trying to put back together what little i have left. If you black out at all when you drink stop right now. It is a pattern that is itself destructive and will lead you nowhere.

I cannot stress the negative effects it will have on all aspects of your life and health.

By anon87780 — On Jun 01, 2010

I black out often (from drinking.) The first time was when my husband came home from overseas and we had been celebrating all day and night.

I cried a lot, begged him for sex, passed out on the floor, woke up crying again about who knows what, I took a candle holder that I really liked and smashed it on the coffee table. The next day I felt the worst. On top of that, we couldn't find my husband's wallet. About a week later, I found it in the dryer.

The next time was over a year later. We were partying at a club and I started an argument with my husband over something and lost my head. More crying and begging for sex. In the morning I was very, very dizzy and it was difficult to stand. I went to the kitchen for some water and saw empty sleeping pill packets all over the place. I also found a badly scribbled suicide note. The whole day I just slept.

There have been other times, but these are the worst. I've noticed that when I have the black outs it's the week before my period. My father is a black out drunk as well.

By anon86626 — On May 26, 2010

I had a blackout episode recently. Happened a couple times when I was younger but I'm not young anymore and there is no excuse. I really disappointed myself and my friends.

I never have drink-related problems as long as I stick to a drink limit, and I'm angry at myself for not doing it more strictly. I realize I am very prone to drinking too much if other people around me are doing so, or if others urge drinks on me. I've renewed my commitment to 'no thanks' and keeping to my limit.

I consider myself lucky the many bad things that could have happened to me didn't happen. I don't plan on having a next time.

It is no fun, and it is never worth it, waking up realizing your memory just stops dead at a certain point but you know you were there a long time afterwards. Not fun, no idea how you got home, no idea where and when you might have thrown up, passed out, what you might have said, done, or damaged -- or having to find out these things from other people, which feels just as bad.

By anon86046 — On May 23, 2010

Blackout drunk, is the name for this. I have been drinking alcohol for about seven years now. I have never experienced a blackout drunk in my life until a week ago!

I'll drink and have a good time, I'll get drunk, things are a little fuzzy, then I forget little conversations I'd have with people, then someone in the morning helps piece it all together! And I laugh and say "wow I forgot I said that for a minute, but now I remember."

No, blackout drunk is totally different! I blacked out for about five hours, and didn't remember a damn thing! For all I know I could have died in that five hour span and never had come out of it! It's like my body shut down, my brain didn't function and something, or someone else took over!

I smacked the crap out of my boyfriend, hit security guards and almost got thrown in jail, from what I was told. I woke up with bruises all over my body! It really scared the crap out of me to hear the stories the next day.

And I'm making it a point to tell you all that I'm not drinking anymore, and hoping for a better life style. This is my wake-up call! if you look at all the posts from this page you will see that there is something in common, when these blackouts occur. Each one of you say that you get very violent, so there must be something that happens in the brain that makes us so violent when we blackout.

I might even go research it some more to better understand!

By anon80585 — On Apr 27, 2010

"hate this part of myself."

- anon78802

You should *no* hate yourself for blacking out or what you did in past while drunk. you should *do* something about it so it doesn't happen again. God bless, you can do it!

By amypollick — On Apr 27, 2010

@Todcon: Actually, the alcohol can trigger depression. Some people call it being a "crying drunk" as opposed to a "happy drunk" or a "mad drunk."

However, bipolar can run in families, so it might be worth having your son checked out for it.

I think you've handled the episode appropriately. The only thing I would say is to make sure he doesn't go to unsupervised homes again. Tell him you're going to call to make sure an adult is home, before they get there--then do it.

Yes, teens will do things like this occasionally, but the time to handle it is now, before it becomes a problem. You might want to discuss with your son the dangers of drinking to excess. Teens frequently don't pay attention to the "quit" message their brains are relaying, which is why they can end up with alcohol poisoning.

If you're having him see the doctor, maybe the doctor can discuss the issue with him from a medical standpoint. Sometimes, teens won't get defensive if a doctor tells them something, as opposed to a parent.

Sounds like you're a conscientious mom and you're following up appropriately. Good luck!

By todcon — On Apr 27, 2010

I got a call from my son's school counselor yesterday. She informed me that a couple of my son's really good friends talked to her about my son.

Apparently, all the kids went to a unsupervised home and got into the liquor cabinet. These are good kids and typically do not drink and I've never noticed drugs being in the picture. However, my son got drunk and started talking about killing himself. It upset his friends enough to go to the school counselor.

When confronted, he was in total shock and said that he doesn't remember saying anything like that - sort of "blacked out." He told me it was the first time he had ever gotten drunk and it will be the "last."

I am just wondering if he has these thoughts that perhaps there is something deeper going on. I had a long talk with him and he said that there is nothing wrong, he is not depressed, and is happy with his life. He did live with his father for a while and prior to that, always believed him to be his hero, but living with him he realized that his dad was less than perfect and that he couldn't deal with his mood swings (his father is bi-polar). After some time my son asked to move back with me, because he felt like he was causing his dad's anger issues (which is a reason I divorced him).

But I am wondering if my son could also be bi-polar. Anyway, I really do believe that my son is a good kid and that he hangs around good friends. When he comes home at night, I make sure to talk to him and see how he reacts just to make sure he isn't doing drugs or drinking and he always seems fine.

I was not a perfect kid, so I didn't lecture him about experimenting with drinking, although I did give him the one about drinking and driving, but my concern is the blackout. My husband thinks I am naive and that this is probably not his first time to drink (which it might not be), but that actually wasn't the point.

Anyway, sorry this is long. I'm just not sure what direction I should take. I know I am going to get an appointment with our doctor just to have him checked out, but I didn't know if anyone may have experienced other signs that I should look for! Thanks!

By anon79808 — On Apr 24, 2010

here is story that will top most. thank god it's not mine. a guy from the city I'm from mistakenly broke into business after drinking for most of the night.

he did not live or work at this building but must have thought he was locked out of his home or something. anyway, once he got through the door, he started using a lighter to see around. he ended up in a closet and lit a mop on fire! the business burned down and he was arrested. He admitted later he blacked out from drinking.

He's lucky he didn't die or kill someone else. Anyone who has had a blackout is lucky not to be locked up or dead. Anyone honest with themselves knows what I'm talking about.

To really, really understand the impact this behavior could have on the rest of your life is very, very scary. i would treat it as matter of life or death.

By anon79618 — On Apr 23, 2010

i once blacked out about a year and a half ago and it was humiliating. i don't remember anything.

By anon78857 — On Apr 20, 2010

I woke up, after a night out with female family members, to discover I had bruises all over my back, a black eye, bruising on the side of my head, a sore jaw (I have to eat soup) - all because apparently I snapped while drunk and threw my aunt to the floor, and the others tried to stop my 'attack'.

I have no memory of this and am not a violent person at all. I love my aunt dearly. I cannot make sense of any of this and have never reacted this way before. I have promised not to drink again and am seeing my family doctor for help.

I am scared, ashamed, and confused. And lucky, because I called to talk to all present that night and all are supporting my quest for help. I have not had problems with alcohol in the past, but this one experience has left all of us damaged enough that I will never risk it again.

By anon78802 — On Apr 20, 2010

i recently blacked out from drinking and this wasn't the first time. i have been a blackout drinker since i was in my teens. i am now in my 30s.

While in this state, i was extremely mean to my boyfriend and i was talking very intimately with some random guy at the bar none of which i remember. I had left the place that my boyfriend was at to go to the bar by myself.

Apparently when my boyfriend came to get me i started yelling at him and calling him all sorts of names. I didn't want to go with him either. At least that is what he tells me since i can't remember everything.

he saw me talking with the guy and asked me what was going on. he said that i told him i wasn't talking to the guy. i obviously was. this incident could potentially ruin my relationship with him forever. I just don't understand why this happens and why i get so mean. i am not mean and would never yell and call my boyfriend names.

I also don't understand why he still wants to be with me after i have treated him so poorly. i think part of me is just waiting for him to leave. That makes me sad because that is totally not what i want.

I hate this part of myself.

By anon75737 — On Apr 07, 2010

I am a 20 year old female. I had a blackout last night after having five bottles of beer. I was completely fine siting at the bar with friends. the next thing i remember was I wakened up in my room. I was extremely violent, aggressive and insulting to everyone i care about. Talking absolute rubbish and totally out of character.

I woke up with a massive bump on my forehead and nearly broke my nose. I am terrified this will happen again.

Is there anything to help stop these blackouts, or is it just to stop drinking completely? My aunt died from alcohol abuse. Do blackouts and medical conditions come together?

By anon74556 — On Apr 02, 2010

I'm 37 and have been blacking out for about 10 years. I have low self esteem and think that I become more confident when I have a few drinks - but really I just become a sloppy mess. I wake up all the time with the fuzzy feeling that I've done something awful/embarrassing/rude. Yet no one seems to call me out on it the next day. I wish they would.

By anon73792 — On Mar 29, 2010

I went out the other night with some friends, and we closed the bar then instead of going home with a friend who had a ride for us, I pushed him and then proceeded to walk home. then i came to and i remember what i was doing but i couldn't control myself. if i saw a car coming down the road i would drop to the ground and do an army crawl. i thought the cops were chasing me.

I went to my sister's house and started hell then ended up waking up in my bed and i can't remember how. it is scary crap and i am scared to go back to my sister feeling like i have done wrong. what do i do?

By anon71774 — On Mar 19, 2010

Well I think I have you all beat when it comes to embarrassing. On st Patricks I went to the bar with my boyfriend, everything was fine and i had a great time, but i blacked out after the bar.

We ended up sleeping at his parents house and me and him were sleeping separately. when i woke up his mom told me I peed on her mat at the door and she had to tell me to put clothes on seeing as i was sleeping in the living room/kitchen part of their house.

We decided not to tell anyone about my little accident. my boyfriend also told me that i was being really mean to him on the way home, telling him that i hate him and he will never see my face again.

this isn't the first time i blacked out like this and embarrassed myself. i can't handle my alcohol at all, but come to think of it i have been drinking a lot lately and I'm also on medication for depression which makes it even worse. Now I feel like i can't go to my boyfriend's house anymore, even though his mother understands that i was drinking on my medication and said she wouldn't say anything but i just feel really ashamed of myself.

By anon70652 — On Mar 15, 2010

I am 34 and have been having several blackouts. This past weekend me and my boyfriend hosted our annual St. Patty's party. A ton of our friends were there.

I was drinking different things, and it most of hit me hard. The last couple hours I was told I fell into all kinds of things, screamed at friends when they were just trying to help me, and was out of control.

Most of our guests left on account of my uncontrollable behavior. I was told I passed out cold, eventually, on a table and my boyfriend carried me to bed.

I woke up with cuts and bruises all over my body. I had no idea what I had done and was freaked out when I found out about it.

By gboast — On Mar 14, 2010

Recently, my nephew hosted an oscar party, and towards the end of the party I blacked out for an undetermined amount of time, only remembering very small fragments of the night.

I was told that my behavior was very disturbing, being very disruptive with guests and even assaulting a very good friend of mine -- someone who has always been very supportive of me!

My story is scary and I'm afraid for my life if I continue to drink! I remember being choked and people yelling at me to go home! I got in my truck and blacked out again.

I do remember having a full tank of gas but the next day after I realized what the hell was going on, my truck was on empty! I was horrified as I didn't remember getting home, not to mention the fact that I caused all this trouble at my nephew's party.

I'm afraid one day I will not make it back home if I continue on this way. I cringe at the thought of hitting my friend and ruining my nephew's party. I feel as though I cannot drink if I can't drink responsibly, and it matters little if I'm dependent or not, I have to stop!

By anon64972 — On Feb 10, 2010

i drank pretty heavily one afternoon, don't remember leaving the bar. i was blacked out for nine hours. I'm 24 years old. I lost my bike, broke into someone's house (a friend i rarely hang with), woke up at home and started the scavenger hunt. Good thing my friends can remember when they are drunk. A little easier to find things.

By anon63454 — On Feb 01, 2010

if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, it just may be a duck.

If you're thinking you might be an alcoholic and you're looking for answers, please refrain from drinking till you find them. Real alcoholics have blackouts, not all alcoholics have blackouts, and not all who have blackouts are alcoholics.

By anon62900 — On Jan 29, 2010

So my girlfriend has had several blackouts but actually doesn't think its a problem or concern. To me it is and i care for her and i know women who have been sexually assaulted because of this. I drink just as much as her and i always remember everything -- my normal life -- horrible memory, Lol, but anyhow, i addressed it to her and sent her this link and of course she gets upset and thinks I'm trying to put her down.

I just wanted to post this to let all know that alcohol can and will ruin relationships and lives.

By anon62421 — On Jan 26, 2010

i don't think I'm an alcoholic! im a 31 year old female and i could have two beers at night with my husband and i blackout in the am. when i wake up and i don't remember and he's mad at me. he says the truth comes out in a negative way. i could drink a lot and when i do, i remember everything.

By anon58706 — On Jan 04, 2010

no, it's a lost part of your memory.

By anon57957 — On Dec 28, 2009

I had a blackout a couple of nights ago. It was my first time. I don't remember what I said or what I did. I thought that I was yelling for a minute and fell asleep because I remembered getting mad at my boyfriend, but my boyfriend said that I got mad at him and started yelling some really mean things for like an hour.

On top of that I trashed the room, but I don't remember throwing anything. I only remembered bits and pieces of the whole night. Some of the things that he and his friends told me I said were completely out of my character.

It scared me that I have no memory of any of this. I feel embarrassed and not sure if I should just start going to AA meetings or what? I'm left with a lot of confusion and guilt for things I don't remember.

By anon57673 — On Dec 26, 2009

i blacked out for the first time just before xmas 09. i was at a bbq and came home as i'd had enough. while asleep I've been told my 18 year old daughter came round and woke me up and i attacked her apparently even strangled her.

i can't remember her even being here. i didn't think i was that intoxicated.

I'm scared also. I'm not going to drink. i hurt her. I'm still struggling to understand how this happened. lucky we are OK. i love her and am meant to protect her. I've a lot of making up to do.

By anon54308 — On Nov 29, 2009

The past two times I drank I blacked out, and I am scared to death. The first time was justifiable, but just last night I just sat down and had wine with friends and the next thing I new I was in bed and my husband was furious with me.

How does this happen? I made sure that I was just sipping on the wine, versus trying to pound it to get drunk, and the blackout happened anyway.

Do I have some kind of chemical imbalance or something?

By anon52895 — On Nov 17, 2009

stop drinking and the blackouts will stop.

By anon52759 — On Nov 16, 2009

i would love to know. i'm a 33 year old female, and three nights ago, blacked out. terrible i was violent, so i was told. not the first time, but will be the last. it is very scary, and affects so many people around us.

By anon46381 — On Sep 24, 2009

hypnosis can help.

By anon21164 — On Nov 11, 2008

Is there anything the person can do to regain memory when he/she was blacking out?

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