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What is Antisocial Behavior?

By R. Kayne
Updated Mar 03, 2024
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Antisocial behavior can generally be characterized as an overall lack of adherence to the social mores and standards that allow members of a society to co-exist peaceably. Many people who display this type of behavior may seem charming, but often cause harm to others and show little remorse for their actions. Antisocial behavior can be part of a larger conduct disorder, or personality disorder, such as antisocial personality disorder, and is seen in men more commonly than women.


A person who displays antisocial behavior might appear to be charismatic and outgoing at first, but this can hide the fact that such people tend to be extremely selfish and self-centered. The person's lack of concern with other people's opinions can seem liberating to others who might feel trapped inside the roles of society. Activities suggested by someone with a behavior disorder that at first seem to be daring and fun may soon become dangerous or give no thought to the well-being of others, however. People with antisocial personalities are also more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs.

Antisocial behavior often includes hostility and aggression, which may take the form of verbal or physical abuse. Some people may angrily refuse to follow the rules of a situation, or actively defy the authority of a parent, teacher, or employer. Both children and adults may lie and steal to get what they want or simply to hurt others.


People of any age can display antisocial behaviors. When children exhibit this behavior, it's generally referred to as "conduct disorder." Researchers have linked certain factors to conduct disorders in children, finding both environmental and genetic components. While the genetic factor is not yet well understood, some studies suggest that a specific variant of a gene that transports serotonin may be a possible predictor of antisocial behavior in children. In addition, a child's personality and temperament may affect how he reacts to his environment, as can conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or depression.

Children with conduct disorders are often victims of abuse or have been exposed to environments where harsh punishments are common. Many of these children grew up with parents whose inconsistent behavior ranged from excessive leniency to excessive punishment. Such inconsistency can cause a child to not know how to react to a challenging situation, causing him to become angry and lash out when he doesn't get his way. The child of a parent with an antisocial personality disorder may learn through example that aggression and a disregard for the needs of others is normal behavior.

According to research, conduct disorders that develop prior to puberty are more likely to continue into adulthood, while a child who develops antisocial behavior later, at or after puberty, has a better chance of the behavior not continuing into adulthood. Many teens develop behavioral issues during puberty, and although they can be severe, most grow out of them. In addition, the longer antisocial behavior persists, the more difficult it is to change. The worst cases, as seen in adult criminals such as murderers, can usually be traced back to earlier conduct disorders as children.

Personality Disorders

In adults, antisocial behavior can be part of a larger personality disorder, most notably, antisocial personality disorder. Someone with this disorder might be called a sociopath, although that term is mostly used for people with a very severe form. This is a chronic mental illness that often prevents sufferers from forming healthy relationships, holding down a regular job, and staying out of trouble with the law.

Antisocial personality disorder is usually grouped with other, related personality disorders: borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic. These disorders are linked by overemotional or dramatic thinking and behavior. Some experts also believe that antisocial personality disorder is closely connected to psychopathy, in which a person has no empathy for others at all. Research suggests that many people with a psychopathic personality do not display the same tendency toward violence that many people with antisocial behavior do, however.

Recognizing Antisocial Behavior in Children

Children or adolescents with conduct disorder will typically show three or more of the following signs consistently in their personality traits:

  • Behaves impulsively, thoughtlessly jeopardizing the safety of himself and others.
  • Is manipulative, and lies or cons his way through situations.
  • Does not follow rules, and enjoys breaking the law.
  • Borrows money with no intention of repaying it.
  • Steals.
  • Is overly aggressive, often picking fights.
  • Is willing to hurt others emotionally or physically without showing remorse.
  • Is arrogant and overly confident.
  • Likes to set fires.
  • Is cruel to animals.


Antisocial behavior in adults is not easily treated by psychotherapy or medication, and it can be difficult to motivate adults to change. Children exhibiting signs of a conduct disorder can often be treated, however, especially if the behavior is identified early. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help children and adolescents change their moral reasoning, learn empathy, and deal with frustration in positive ways. The longer antisocial behavior is allowed to continue, the more difficult it is to treat.

The Health Board is dedicated to providing accurate and trustworthy information. We carefully select reputable sources and employ a rigorous fact-checking process to maintain the highest standards. To learn more about our commitment to accuracy, read our editorial process.
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Discussion Comments
By anon990289 — On Apr 14, 2015

Anti-social, as the term is used here, in this article, does not mean that you prefer your own company or don't socialize well. If you do not have serious conduct issues such as stealing, violence, and violating the rights of others in some way, then it's not really applicable to you.

You could prefer to not socialize only due to some other issue, which there are many reasons why people may find it too difficult to get along socially, yet they would never try to harm or exploit someone else. When I say "exploit", I do not mean the feeling that you are really after your own needs (because I honestly think it's a human and normal thing to perceive your own needs more than the needs of others, yet you still care about the needs or rights of others). I mean "exploit," as in trying to use someone for selfish and/or criminal gain, and not caring about the person, such as trying to manipulate them emotionally to use them and not care for them.

By anon984778 — On Jan 11, 2015

I am 15 years old and probably I am now growing up and not a child anymore and I realize many things today. I admit that I am an anti social person, but some of my close friends says that I am not a shy person and they also say that I am a noisy type of person and I don't really understand, because sometimes I perform on stage like singing and playing an instrument.

However, when I meet a group people in some places, I feel out of place. I don't know how to mingle or let's say, to communicate and start a conversation with them. I feel alone and I am just sitting at the side in a chair. I also notice in my classroom I've only got a few friends and they do not easily notice me and when we have a school activities I am not present for them because I really feel bored when I talk with other people and I hate it so much.

Please help me and me some advice. I don't know what is bothering me when I communicate with other people. All I want to happen is to live in a place where I can share happiness with others and live normally without the judgment of other people.

By anon946101 — On Apr 16, 2014

Is it possible for somebody to be antisocial, and not fit the description above to some extent?

By anon944937 — On Apr 09, 2014

I don't know what to do with my son. He steals and stays in trouble with the law. It's dumb stuff. He thinks he's the boss of my house. He wants to control everyone and has hit his own mother.

I am getting old and my son is 21. He does no wrong. Right now, he's in jail. It's bad to say, but I have peace and quiet now. He's grown and I told him he has to work and have a job. All he has to do is pay insurance on his truck and the water bill and that's it.

I only have one income. My son even tries to boss his brother. His brother has a child and a stepchild and my son is always saying he don't like kids. I'm scared he could hurt them because he's jealous.

Some people tell me to make him move and live on his own. I can tell he doesn't want that. He doesn't want all those bill responsibilities at all. I believe he has a mental problem: antisocial personality.

By anon935029 — On Feb 23, 2014

I think I might be antisocial. A lot of people would probably agree with me. I haven't had "friends" since the seventh grade (I am now 21) and three years after high school I have no job, am not in college, and the only people I talk to are family.

I used to beat up my mom. I've stolen things in the past (makeup from my mom's purse and stuff from my sister's rooms), and I once seriously thought about pushing my cousin of a cliff (given what she later did to my family, perhaps I should have.)

Let me make this very clear: I hate what I am. I hate hurting people. I am very aware of the fact that I am not normal, and that I never will be. Even when I was a kid, I knew I was different. All I want is to be normal, but like I've already said, that will most likely not happen.

By anon934912 — On Feb 22, 2014

You make being antisocial sound bad. I am anti social, and it means that you don't like being social and hate talking to other people.

My three friends say I am. I've never had trouble with the law or rules, except once, when I was young my mom wouldn't listen when I said I hated her boyfriend and she wouldn't listen. Trust me, he was a jerk, so I ran away and it was the only bad thing I've done. Other than getting in trouble for ignoring this one girl when she claimed I was being 'heartless'... I don’t care about her love life. So what? But none of this is true.

By anon349487 — On Sep 26, 2013

@anon336099: That's me! The more I try to understand the world and the people in it, the more I grow to hate it.

By anon340792 — On Jul 05, 2013

I just came out from a bad relationship which made me wonder if i was the monster or it was him, who made me suffer through ages of pain.

His name is Chris and he is the worse scum I have ever found on planet earth. He abused me and used me for his desires without me realizing it. I did many things for him and stood a lot of his abuse, and now he is just running away from me since he's found a new victim to abuse.

He made me think I was the worst person on earth, he made me think I was always wrong, and always made him frustrated. He always made me think he was right and I was wrong. He got me into BDSM and I allowed him because I loved him so much. He manipulated me and he used me until he got bored with me.

He is a cheater and a liar. He was lying to me for months, first talking on a website to a woman who we met, and then he cheated on me by talking to some girl from Mexico on messenger. He said he didn't love me anymore because of our arguments, and he has moved on. He has been diagnosed with ADHD for a long time, but I believe he also has antisocial features since he hated going out to places with me, hated clubs, hated karaoke bars, hated going out with my friends, took me away many times from social events, didn't talk to my friends and many other things.

He used me so badly. He was a different person when I met him -- a charming man, adoring me, promising everything he could, telling me of eternal love and flame, blah, blah. Now he says he has found someone better than me and he is in love with her, and he is going to marry her in two weeks time. What a piece of scum he is. I'm hoping he will get his butt kicked as quickly as he marries, because he doesn't deserve to be happy at all.

By anon336099 — On May 26, 2013

Ever hear of an anti-social, hyper-aware person choosing not to partake in the shallow world that often talks too much about pointless junk?

By anon334997 — On May 17, 2013

@anon198632: I just wanted to say you are a brilliant storyteller and your skills and talents in writing had me captured. I wish you the very best in the future, as well all the other people commenting and telling their life stories so open and honestly.

What I've learned in life is that you need to love and respect yourself more. Only accept the very best. It's not always easy when you have someone beating you down. It's very important to get away from those people who hurt you and show you no love. I find life can be lonely at times but I would rather be alone than with someone who abuses and manipulates me.

By anon333861 — On May 08, 2013

I used to set fires when I was a child, taunted our family dog, didn't understand the concept of sharing and was quick to answer problems with violence. But when others started avoiding me when I used violence to solve problems, I learned to curb my behavior. That opened up a whole new set of problems where I couldn't/wouldn't stand up for myself. I felt that if I did nobody would like me. See the irony of this? It became a catch 22. I became isolated as a result and it led me to the lonely, friendless life that I currently lead.

Point to this? Never sacrifice who you are in an effort to please others no matter how "damaged" you're told you are. Self awareness is possessed by people at different levels and takes time and effort to achieve. If you spend all your time focused on what others want you to do and be, you'll never discover who and what you want to do and be. It's a tricky line to walk, but well worth the effort to invest in yourself. You don't have to be "social", you just need to respectful of others. If you do that, other aspects of your life will fall into place. Being respectful isn't that difficult; you just have to be willing to give others the right to be themselves and be acknowledged as equals.

And for those who blame others for their current "bad lot in life". You, me, everybody makes the choices to respond to whatever life and others throw at us based on the tools we have at our disposal at that particular time to deal with the adversities. If a shark bites you, don't hate the shark; it's just being a shark. If people are giving you crap and trying to make you feel that you deserve it, don't agree with it. Find the best response to deal with those things in a way that will foster the best results for you. Hate, anger, resentment, all those things eat you up, not those you harbor those feelings for. And if you keep harboring these feelings,you become a slave to them, which makes you a slave to those people who "push your buttons". Is that what you want? Of course not. If you don't know how to do that, read and learn coping mechanisms that will allow you to do it. Your life will start to take a turn for the better.

Forgiveness is the understanding that the past events you experienced at the hands of others and in life cannot be changed. You don't need to forgive others; just forgive yourself for not having the ability/capabilities to handle those situations in a way that fostered your personal well being. It gives you your power back, the power to decide what those experiences, whether good or bad, will ultimately mean to you.

Everything in life that happens to us is life asking us "what will your response to this adversity be?" To which we can respond and it is our choice to choose our response at any given moment, nd to keep this ability to choose, live in the space between stimulus by outside forces| *live here* |our response to those things. That's what it means to live in the present.

Sorry if this got off topic a bit, but anti-socials can use this for their self-empowerment, as well.

By anon328334 — On Apr 03, 2013

I am not really antisocial. It is just that I am shy or do not want to be bothered with people who love to talk. I prefer to have some time for myself and also spend other times with people who let me be the person I am.

The reason why I am not really sociable is that it always seems that I have to please most people by talking and doing what they want. If I have to be without friends in order to do what I want, then I want that 100 percent.

By anon326985 — On Mar 25, 2013

I am kind of anti-social. I don't like going out and I don't have friends.

When I was younger (10 years old), my brother and his friend used to tie me up (when my mother was not home) and take my pants down and his friend (that I think was gay) kept touching my penis and taking pictures. My brother also hit me a lot. He was four years older.

Today I am 21 years old and I never told anyone. My brother died in a car accident when I was 15 and the only one who may or may not be alive who remembers these things is his friend.

I saw my pictures on the internet once and I got really depressed and tried to kill myself.

By anon326777 — On Mar 24, 2013

@anon9911: Are you a licensed therapist?

By anon322686 — On Feb 28, 2013

Everyone has a conscience but people with disorders choose to ignore what is logical and right.

By anon322666 — On Feb 28, 2013

@Jewel: First, I just want to say you're an awesome mother and so strong. My mom is the way your husband is. My dad divorced her and left me with her and took my brother. I tried to be strong since I had to be no one else was left, but my mom and me.

I struggled through school and would lie about doing well because I felt ashamed. I always felt alone and never wanted to let anyone in. I finally left living with my mom but I feel so lost and confused, no sense of direction. I hate being around people and I'm tired of hurting people. I can't seem to keep jobs because something is always wrong. Anyone have any advice?

By susanoreilly — On Nov 14, 2012

Just a note to anonymous 294263. Sorry, but I don't think you qualify as a sociopath/psychopath. It seems you do have a conscience, which doesn't happen with these disorders.

By anon297743 — On Oct 17, 2012

It is truly easy to train a child but not the same for an adult. Antisocial behavior is no joke. If parents or whoever do not help or get help for children with this type of character, it will be too late when those children become grownups. The young adults may become murderers, thieves, liars, egomaniacs and so on.

By anon294263 — On Oct 01, 2012

I 23, and currently living in a hotel. After reading that dissertation on ASB, I feel as though this website was created just for me in this very moment. And after reading the comments, it makes me think it's just people I know writing these things about me "anonymously."

I feel very much like my life will only be sorrow now that I'm realizing the truth about myself! I've hurt people and didn't realize it; how is that possible? How is it possible that I can look back and see times when I've hurt others and just now I'm realizing it? So what's my fate? Do I still get to live a good life or not? Honestly, I would give all the world for my mother's love again. I remember bringing her flowers and hugging her, but she started avoiding my affection -- avoiding everyone. I never understood it until now, but the same behaviors are showing their faces again. The only major difference is she got married at 18 and had kids. She stayed married 11 years, but because of her spite, in the 11th year of her marriage, she took her children away from my dad. She hated it when we visited him. She was jealous of him and his wife. She forced us to believe she was the better parent, frequently asking "am I a bad mommy?"

My brother and I loved her too much to ever think of her that way. We thought she was the most beautiful and the smartest mother in the world, and from that her arrogance was fueled. Would it shock you to know she's here with me, lying there in bed as she has all day?

I've noticed some things that I thought were normal that aren't, for example, the amount of TV she watches. She falls asleep with the remote in her hand while wearing her eyeglasses.

Neglect is a terrible thing, because it is a seed that, when planted, grows nothing but depression, anger, confusion and even physical ailments. Please pray that my mother and I can be healed from this atrocious disease.

By anon278309 — On Jul 05, 2012

I'm on the other end of anti-social. I've had everything egged on my house, damaged fences and these were 18 year olds. Now I have kids from 5 to 10 years old making as much noise as they can, making out like I'm some witch.

I've said nothing, but every time they come, which is usually from 9 p.m. until 11:30, just to make sure that I won't sleep, because of what they have done, and not one person can do anything about it.

I will have this now for the next 10 to 15 years from this lot. I'm a woman on my own, aged 56. I pay my rent like everybody else.

By anon268470 — On May 14, 2012

What if you are on the opposite side? I always wanted to socialize with people but couldn't keep friends. I don't gossip or pick fights, but I am the victim of it. Do you think that moving from location to location has affected my ability to socialize?

I did good in school but counselors and administrators, during parent teacher conferences, told my mother I was going to end up a bum or on drugs. It really messed up my family relationships. Mom worries about me and it's getting harder and harder.

By chaosnet3 — On Nov 24, 2011

Antisocial people, antisocial behavior, wrenching the individual out of the system where he or she belongs, then exonerating the system.

Examine him /her - a 'single' cell, violently extracted out of the body -- the body of society.

Blindly ignoring the vast interconnections for an individual, a cell an individual has, with the body, the society it was torn out of.

The individual is unfit for the system or the system is unfit for the individual. The societies we live in.

By anon198632 — On Jul 20, 2011

@jewel, post 47: My story is just like yours. I met my ex when I was 14 and he was 33-- yes, 33. We dated for four years and I married him when I was 18 and he was 38, so in total, we were together like 30 years. I grew up with him. He told me everything a young girl wants to hear, he made himself out to be Mr. Perfect, Mr. Innocent, doesn’t do anything wrong, always right. Truthfully, the first half of our marriage was good, so I thought (well, his narcissism didn’t show yet) I loved this man, but I knew he was sleeping with different women from day one, and this really didn’t hit a nerve, yet. We lived a married life.

We both worked, bought a home, had nice things drove nice cars, we went on vacations, had gatherings, barbecues, weekend parties, went a lot of places together. I have a son who is 23 years old and he has been brainwashed to stay away from me ignore my cries for help. I haven’t seen or heard from my son since Christmas of last year and we live 20 minutes from each other. Anyway, we went on family vacations – you know, the whole family thing. Then about 15 years later, things started slowly changing. He would be very secretive about his job. I worked as well and I was a hard worker, dedicated, and still went home and cleaned, cooked and took care of my family. I still got crap thrown in my face that I never did anything. That hit a nerve.

Long story short, my story could be a Lifetime movie. He tried making me crazy in my mind. Everything was always my fault, and he would tell me I was making up stories, I was seeing things, hearing things. He would tell me things and then deny saying it. For example, he would say, "We will go buy a new vacuum tomorrow". Then tomorrow came, and I was ready to go shopping and he said he never told me we were going shopping, stuff like that, until one day I broke down. I threw knives at him, almost hitting him in the heart, and I wish I had. He had me thrown in jail. This was the first of five times in jail because of him.

I started using to numb the pain. I shut the world out because of his mental and emotional abuse. I have been to numerous treatments, halfway houses. My court papers are stacks and stacks high. I never got in trouble with the law until I was 40 years old. This is when he started the crazy mind games with me. Well, I'm two years clean and plan to stay this way.

This evil thing planned our divorce. He would stand in the bedroom doorway and just stare at me. He did not know I was looking at him through under the blankets, and when I moved he walked away very quickly with his keys jingling in his pants. One time I yelled out, "I saw and heard you" and he said I was seeing and hearing things when I was watching him from under the covers. Idiot!

His infidelity got worse. He would come home smelling like sex and deny anything happened. He gave me two STDs and said the doctor didn’t know what he was talking about. He would have the secretaries call me and hang up, he had his whores call me obscene names and then hang up. My ex is a pedophile pervert. He served me papers and planned on leaving me with nothing. Well, he damn near did it.

I went through hell the last five years of our marriage and I still am feeling it. I am so hurt and angry. He is a coward. He has lied to all my family and friends and paid them to do his dirty work, like keep track of where I go. He wants me to stay at my parents for good. He doesn’t want me to be happy, so they do anything it takes to keep me there. Well, I'm grown and I'm moving out. It may be hard financially and mentally, because this will be the first time on my own ever, so I have to prepare myself mentally and keep a positive attitude.

He has filled everyone’s heads with lies and they all believe him. He is the master of manipulation, the king of liars. He did all this to hide all the wrong he was and still is doing from day one of our marriage. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, but I became wise. I started noticing all the little things he thought I wouldn’t notice. I started investigating and questioning him and that made him pissed. He wanted me to stay 14 forever so he could keep on cheating and me not saying anything about it.

To this day, I have no friends. I barely have family, when we used to be real close. Now I'm the outsider and I have no social life. This is a horrible, empty, lonely feeling. No one knows what he is really like – the evil side of him. He has done so much more to me, it will take days to write all of it. He has played horrible mind games, and done acts of evil only a coward would do. Well, he's a coward. So I just want to say, leave as soon as you can or he will break you down even more. They have no soul. They are the devil in disguise. Stay strong!

By anon184765 — On Jun 09, 2011

I'm beginning to think i have this same problem. from the age of 12 years, i started isolating myself from other kids at school and most of my friends were the weird ones. Up to now I've made some friends but funnily, i always enjoy my own company and when some one shows he/she cares about me i always try to push them away from me or i decide to do something that will annoy them because that way, i get the satisfaction that they feel the pain i feel in my heart. It's too bad that even strangers notice that am not happy and they always ask me what's wrong with me.

By anon178116 — On May 20, 2011

I have antisocial behavior, ptsd, Adhd and paranoid personality disorder. And yes I have done many bad things as many of us have. I never go out and have fun, becaue I am afraid someone will say something to provoke violence. I have never felt fear or love from someone. But I certainly have felt hate.

39 years have passed me by and every day I struggle, but every day I move forward. I cannot allow this to win. I will learn from my mistakes and mistakes of others. Good luck to all on your journey.

We can win and beat this. we are great fighters and need to use it for the biggest fight. The fight to free ourselves! Brÿãñ

By anon175912 — On May 14, 2011

I'm anti social, and it makes it hard to find a job and do things with people. I'm always lonely, i feel like i live in a world where no one exists, slowly dying inside, but i have some hobbies that i do really enjoy, and i love animals. i hope i can get out of this antisocial thing and be happy.

By akcav494 — On Apr 24, 2011

sf618 is a smart male/female. i read a lot of these comments, especially the ones involving relationships and i think some of you should start thinking logically instead of emotionally. you can solve your problems easier that way. it's the same thing with an alcoholic. they won't change unless they want to.

By anon170039 — On Apr 24, 2011

I've been accused of being antisocial or a sociopath since i was 3 years old. I'm 18 now and the past few years I've felt different and can't connect to anybody. i can never tell what emotion people are feeling besides anger since that's all i feel, and i can only communicate with people without getting irritated if it's something important.

i can't feel pity or sympathy anymore, and i often escalate small conflicts into verbal or physical fights. i try real hard not to let my bad side come out but it feels like it's just natural for me to be the way i am. i noticed my pain threshold is higher than most people and i just think they're being sensitive about pain. i don't even feel bad for my parents or best friend anymore.

I've been punching walls, trees, refrigerators anything harder than i am to cope with my anger for years, but now i turn it on people instead. to me it isn't really a problem and makes life easier but i guess some of you are suffering with this personality disorder.

By anon164585 — On Apr 01, 2011

adhd plus ocpd is the most deadly combination. I'm suffering from both. life is like hell. I'll bet no one can ever live with both of these disorders.

By anon162492 — On Mar 23, 2011

Antisocial people create mountains of pain and damage for those unfortunate enough to be their prey or victim. If you maintain contact with such people you may become like them in an effort to survive or in reaction to their mistreatment.

The best advice is stay away from those who cheat and lie or treat you badly and see no problem with their abusive choices. The greatest harm occurs in families where such behavior is excused, ignored or tolerated. In fact, many families are a breeding ground for potentially violent offenders. I know that my father's rages and abuse had a toll on all of us, and now he is much older he is still a violent and deceitful man who seems incapable of perceiving fault with anything he did to us or our mother, and claims to have loved us instead.

Too many young people are becoming immune to violence and aggression or perceive being tough as something to admire and emulate. Violence and self-serving behavior seems to be endemic in a society driven by competitiveness, materialism and a win at all costs mentality.

Greed and anger destroy the ability to relate in a fair or healthy manner. Trauma is passed down and results in lingering resentment and anger that can injure other people until addressed and worked through instead of acted out.

By anon150213 — On Feb 07, 2011

everyone hates me and nobody cares. that's what i end up thinking even though i know it's not true.

i am 14 and i am verbally abused at home and physically abused at school. i often image myself hurting people but i don't want to. i was diagnosed a year ago and feel like crap.

By anon142597 — On Jan 13, 2011

I grew up with 4 siblings in a good house. i get straight As in school.

I'm 16 but through my life all my friends betrayed me and almost every school I've been in my entire class has hated me and now i find myself wanting to just hurt everyone, though i truly wish i could not feel that way.

I'm socially awkward and hate people. I like to be left alone. Whenever i tell someone about any of my feelings, they always think I'm joking or completely ignore me, which just feeds my paranoia.

i find myself lately when walking around imagining everyone around me dropping to the floor and it almost makes me smile. I don't know why i feel like that and feel like everyone is conspiring against me and I hate my life though it's not terrible and don't like anyone.

i know I'm not depressed because i do care about some things. does anyone feel like this? it would help me to know that I'm not the only one. please reply.

By anon142046 — On Jan 12, 2011

I think every human has a soft side which if being hurt, it will shrink. But telling others to avoid them is actually hurting them even more. A heart that is violent or harsh on others needs just more caring, hugs and love. It can be heal. The hardness is not our choice. We wish we can be normal like others, feel happiness and freedom. Seeing other people having good times together and we're not able to blend in is the most hurtful feeling.

When people avoided us or treated us cold, we cry harder inside. But to avoid being hurt, we just reacted tougher and stronger outside in ways that people cannot understand so we feel there is some strength in us. But is that really what we want?

Think again. If you're a doctor/volunteer/family member, think again.. Every man's heart is not "bad or violent". We just want "care" and "love".

Leave us as much caring and love as you can to show that we're worthy and valuable as anyone in the world.

As for anyone who thinks of suicide, go and see the world, what has happened and see other places. The world is so big and we and our feelings are so, so, so tiny. If you see another person facing same problem as you, hold hands and help each other because you understand him/her more than anyone who hasn't been through it or felt the same.

To be able to help another person, you will understand that God wanted you to go through all this to help another person better.

There's a saying that a thief is a better policeman because he knows all the tricks and thoughts that a thief would be thinking. Good luck.

By anon140160 — On Jan 06, 2011

Dear old friend: Call 311 and tell them you and your children are victims of domestic violence. You cannot allow your children to pass through this! You shouldn't put up with this at all! You deserve better, to be happy and have a safe and loving home for your children.

Leave asap! Don't wait for your children to get more traumatized! It will be your fault. God bless!

By anon134242 — On Dec 14, 2010

I haven't had any personal contact with the outside world in a year, except work, and the gas station for energy drinks and cigarettes, and my mother stops by to give me cash one time a month. to be honest, i hate it, but i cannot see my life with a girl, or friends. I used to in the past, but now it would seem weird.

By anon132977 — On Dec 09, 2010

Man, you know what the article above is? It's my damn bio. I've always been anti-social and avoidant. I've done very bad things that I'm not proud of, but I feel those things are part of me and I can't change them. Anyway, big thanks for the article.

By anon122931 — On Oct 30, 2010

Wow, so many people wishing they were something special claiming to be AS. On the internet of all places. Try actually doing something AS in reality first.

By anon121310 — On Oct 24, 2010

Most people think I'm basically a mean s.o.b. I don't like people, I don't trust people, and I have no problem telling anyone how I feel about them. I like being alone. I can spend hours, days, or weeks without any meaningful interaction from others, and I prefer it that way.

When I am alone and anticipate my family coming home, I get nervous, edgy and it puts me in a bad mood. Sometimes I just destroy things without provocation. I just explode I guess.

I don't want to be this way, but I could never imagine life any other way. I'm attractive, intelligent, educated and at one time I was pretty much a good time Charley, but something is gone, something broken and something missing.

I am increasingly paranoid and feel increasingly more aggressive. What I find so odd is how can I recognize all of these abnormal behaviors but have no ability to change them? I only sleep a very, very minimal amount and that sleep is restless.

There is nothing in my life that I find 'fun' or entertaining other than things that involve violence. I used to read daily, but can't keep to a book now. Simple tasks have begun to elude me. I think and fantasize about suicide. I have a doctor. He's a nice guy and he's sincere, but I seem to convince myself that he's just a fake. whew. well I feel better at least writing this. thanks for listening.

By anon106671 — On Aug 26, 2010

I must have a sort of partial ASB, because I really care for my family, but cannot help but don't giving a rat's behind for anybody else. When somebody's family cries his death I often mock them. Also I mock minorities and enjoy cruel jokes.

By anon101573 — On Aug 04, 2010

I have a family member who is very young and is displaying almost all of the symptoms of antisocial behavior. I know that she has been verbally abused if not sexually abused most of her life by her father.

Her mother is dying in hospice of cancer and she must stay with her father now. She has been seen digging her elbows into her mother's abdomen while she sleeps and when she cries out in pain she looks at her and smiles. She was caught with the household dog in a choke hold and had both fingers blocking the dog's nostrils. She did not know that someone was watching her and said to the dog, "I could kill you any time you know."

I grew up with loving parents and obviously sheltered. I can't believe this is happening in my family. What can I do. Her mother is about to pass away and she may end up like her other sisters: pregnant at a very early age and then I would fear for the child.

By anon97574 — On Jul 20, 2010

I have been raising an adopted child for 12 years who has most of the antisocial behavior symptoms. He has been in the mental health system since he was three years old. He is able to fool most professionals with his lies and manipulation.

He has portrayed me as his abuser. I can't seem to get him the help he really needs because he is so convincing. I have been told that I just don't love him enough. He has gotten away with lying, stealing, destroying property, physically and mentally abusing his siblings and physically abusing me.

He is very charming and sweet until you catch on to his behavior. Once he sees you can't be sucked in he turns on you. He makes home a nightmare. Anyone else out there with a kid like this?

By amypollick — On Jul 01, 2010

@Jewel. There are resources. Please call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233). They can help you make the necessary plans and arrangements to leave your situation. It is free and they also have a website. Please contact them for help in getting yourself safe.

By anon92985 — On Jul 01, 2010

It has been a great relief to just read these posts where I know there are others like myself and who can relate to being married to these sick people.

I have known my husband for 28 years and have been married for 24 of those years and two children later, I couldn't have possibly dreamed there were people actually walking around like this. The marriage has been a total sham, full of lies and deceit. He was one person when you dated him. He made so many stories and lies just to convince you he was the greatest guy out there. He changed almost instantly after the marriage and certainly after the children arrived.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing: grandiose stories which most were lies but made up to make him look wonderful. They perform despicable acts, and are the most selfish and hurtful types of people. I have suggested many times through the years that he go for help but this makes him very angry and he finds it insulting that you would even suggest there is something wrong with him.

There is no way to help him or even try to change them. He has managed to keep his job, only because he works for himself with his own truck, otherwise he would have been unemployable as no one can tolerate this man at any level, due to his lying, stealing and scamming as many people as he can, even his own wife, whom he has total disregard for.

He has a sick sexual fetish where he will not touch me unless I am dressed up in an outfit of his choice which pretty much I've summed up as looking like a hooker, because I believe this is his sad fantasy. The only women who would go to bed with someone like this would have to be paid individuals. You could walk into the room totally naked and he would not acknowledge you or even touch you unless you are wearing this outfit. So I have for some time now tried everything to avoid having any sexual contact. This has only led him to fight with me and become very angry.

He will not let up on you until you give in to his wishes. He will stay up for hours without even sleeping, harassing you until you have no more stamina to fight this guy and you just give in. He is relentless beyond anyone's imagination. He will pursue you and he must always control every situation and every aspect of your life.

They are like a human wrecking ball and will destroy your life without guilt or shame, and take away all your happiness. I stayed for all these years because I knew I was dealing with an unstable man and I knew he couldn't cope if I left him, and I feared that he may do something to the children just to punish me because he knows they are my lifeline and they are everything to me, which he is not.

I was somewhat able to survive in the relationship because of the hours he kept at his job. He would leave at 7:00 a.m. and return no earlier than 9:00 p.m. He needed very little sleep and was out again the next day. We spent the most time with him on weekends, which was enough. So I basically made my life with my children. I told them that he needed to run his business, that is why he was not home a lot. It made the situation more bearable by him being away and I tried to makeup for his absence.

Now that the children have grown and are going to university in the fall, I feel this is the safest time to leave, as I feel the children are living on campus and they are safe there and will not have to witness the outcome of the separation because I myself do not know what to expect when this happens. I only know it won't be pleasant and I don't want the children seeing or witnessing any of his actions.

I have tried to sit down with him in a civil manner to discuss a separation and eventually a divorce, and he just tells me to bleep off and walks away and ignores anything I have to say about it. He has told me to watch my back and that if I leave he will come and find me no matter how many miles he has to travel. He has all the time in the world to do this, to hunt me, because he works for himself and he sets his own hours to come and go anytime he pleases.

He has also stated that if he ever sees me around another man, he will kill the guy instantly. This scares me as I know he possesses illegal guns, which he purchased in Florida when we drove down many times to vacation there. He owns hand guns as well as rifles. He says he bought them because he likes to collect them, however, I think otherwise. I'm afraid to think what he might do with them after I leave, and that is another reason I stayed at the home with the children because I knew he owned these guns and I didn't know his limits, I just knew he wasn't right in his head and wouldn't seek help.

I have managed to keep everyone safe, including myself and I know I have been an excellent mom and so lucky to have two really smart children with great personalities and have caused no trouble in their lives. They are both working towards great careers. I have tried to shelter them from any negativity in the house.

Now that they are older, they have for some time known that their father has a disorder, but they also know he refuses to admit or seek any help and there is nothing we can do to change him. There are no other alternatives but for me to leave. If there is someone else out there who knows how to leave these types of people in a safe way, could you submit a post, as I would appreciate any advice I can from the people who really know firsthand, because family and friends cannot even fathom what this has been like. They cannot advise me at all. I need to speak with people who have been there and left and lived to tell the story.

I am looking so forward to starting a new life after 28 years, but at the same time fearing the unknown.

Does anyone have any solid advice for me? Help! Jewel

By anon92270 — On Jun 27, 2010

I think this article has confused anti-social with psychopath.

A psychopath is someone incapable of feeling empathy or most of the positive emotions in general, an Anti-social person is someone who refuses to feel those emotions so they don't get hurt or finds it hard to relate to other people under their circumstances.

I am anti-social. I was bashed as a child and still occasionally get hit. My mum would lock me outside in the cold, sometimes tie me up to a pole with barely any clothes on and beat me till I was unconscious, leaving me tied up out there for days.

I am now currently 14 years old and I find it hard to love or trust people.

I am a good friend and listener and I can genuinely smile, but inside I feel hollow. My negative emotions are the only ones I feel, and it's very painful. I open my heart up and reach out for people and tell them what I'm going through but they only joke about it. It leaves me feeling disappointed and slightly isolated.

I feel withdrawn from the world, and a lot of the time I either want to lock myself in my room and never come out or leave and never come back.

I think this behavior is smart, but only to a certain extent. Moping about will do nothing. The world moves on without you. I think people should blend in with others and eventually the person who will understand you and care for you will come.

I found a person and although she hasn't experienced what I have, she still cares. She cares so much for me. I love her dearly but sadly I don't think that will ever be returned, because she's undeniably straight.

You will never always get what you want and life will always disappoint you but you must move on and smile. Smile as much as you can. Be a good person and have a positive effect on the world.

Anyone who reads this, I believe in you. I really do. It's amazing what you go through and you are strong. Open up to the right person and don't completely shut yourself in, because you will find them one day.

By anon88644 — On Jun 06, 2010

After 20 plus years, it is really nice to have my experiences validated by all your posts. For a while there I was really beginning to think I was the one that was crazy. No one believed what I was saying, or they wished to be in denial of what could happen. Many of the comments posted, hit close to home for me; they reflected similar experiences of mine.

I personally believe that people do need to be warned to avoid such persons. I have experienced many years of damage that cannot be corrected. And many years to come that I no longer can avoid. My ex is literally holding my children "hostage" after our divorce four years ago, simply because he wishes for me to be hurt, (sick).

He was involved in a custody case with his ex girlfriend when we met, a physiological evaluation was ordered by the court, and he was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and bipolar disorder. At the time I could not find good information that actually explained what NPD was exactly. I knew what B-P disorder was, and believed he could get help. I learned too late, that he really could not be helped.

The dignity domino had already been tipped and now he was on a crusade to destroy me.

I recommend strongly especially if you have children, go into a safe house. I did. And I am glad I did. The atmosphere was so much better than I had imagined, which was why I was hesitant to begin with.

Don't hesitate- just call and set it up. Someone will be able to arrange pick up if your car has been withheld. You can get on state to help with finances, if money is being withheld. There behavior is very much a game, and one that can be turned around on them without their knowing, to protect yourself, and you deserve that. And so do your children.

My ex obtained the children by getting me arrested for something I did not do. I was charged with raping a man -how inconceivable to me that this could happen. I am barely 5 feet-whoa, not a reality that I wanted to know about.

I mention this, because it does seem that "possession is 9/10ths of the law" and the courts will not change the situation unless it is extreme, and it will take years for them to determine this.

My four year old twins are being abused, and I have to watch with patience. Avoid the mistakes I naively made.

These AS personalities can cause more damage than you think, it can cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which I have. I no longer wish to be around people, or know them. (And I know I have to change that, at least try.) I don't trust people and avoid contact; my personality is so different from what it once was.

Some people may be misdiagnosed with NPD. Aspergers Autism is one that I know of, but these people are very capable of caring, just have a hard time figuring out the "how".

Antisocials truly do not care; they "act" or "mimic" what should be perceived as care. It is not actual care. They only do so to gain something for themselves, and not done so in any mutual capacity.

The hard reality is that you are simply "prey". And they will sit around and laugh about how "stupid you are" for not knowing that. (It's a cruelty no one should ever know about.)

I can recommend two books I wished I read earlier. (I will be getting the book mentioned in anon18323).

"Without Conscience" by Rober D. Hare Ph.D.

"The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker.

These books are recommended by many former FBI profilers. John Douglas has been my favorite since the early 90's.

By anon81922 — On May 04, 2010

Dear Old Friend: I feel your pain. I was in a similar situation. The best thing you can do for yourself is increase your education. First of all, it is fun. There is so much to learn. Even the basic courses are great. Good luck and God bless.

By anon80757 — On Apr 28, 2010

please help me. I am so antisocial you have no idea. I don' have any bad intentions, but I can't stand people in general. I just want to be by myself. People are so fake.

By anon80530 — On Apr 27, 2010

I remember being a loving and trusting child/teen once upon a time. The weight of psychological and physical abuse from my father combined with my mother's alcoholism and the abandonment from my family had taken its toll on me by age 18.

Trust for us loners is near impossible due to the betrayal of those we once loved and let into our hearts.

I'm left with little to no faith in humanity. I am forced to veil my sadness with aggression and guile. There is no other way known to me for dealing with my emotions.

Not all of us are raving lunatics out for blood. Many of us have just been beaten down one too many times.

By anon79761 — On Apr 24, 2010

I'm partly anti-social and act out only if someone puts me under pressure, and even then more verbally.

First, i love animals overall and live with cats. I couldn't hurt a fly.

Second, i feel fine as a loner and do not miss personal contact, so i try to avoid it and instead live a retreated and contemplative life with my animals, plants, books, and interests (i got lots of them).

Some people can't keep a normal distance and this is what puts me in the very situation of saying vulgar and hateful things.

Things grew worse since i had to move last year and I live in a basement apartment now.

There was one foreign (russian) guy always standing in front of my window smoking every 30 minutes or so. All the stench penetrated even through closed windows into my apartment and i was coughing all the time. I complained to the landlord but was told she couldn't do anything and i should "talk" to the person.

Now, it is my very right that no one is intoxicating my apartment and i basically do not talk to anyone.

Finally I'm able to write. So i solved this problem using my distinctive intelligence and bought a large fan i placed just behind the window. When that swine started to blow his stench i turned on the fan and blew his smoke back out of my window. After doing so four or five times, he left and it looks he has found another place to intoxicate.

Some females stood in front of my window with children watching my cats and i yelled at them "where are your manners? This is not a zoo and not a display! Take yourselves away from my window and don't stare like the idiot you actually are. Get off of my privacy!"

I'm 50 now and a very peaceful man as long as I'm left alone. I avoid every conflict as far as possible but it's me who's attacked by others' stupid and reckless behavior.

So i don't behave antisocial in an active way and never would steal or beat someone, but when it comes to defending myself i don't find or know any boundaries.

I don't own weapons since i know i would use them without hesitation. But i curse at those stupid freaks and at this moment really wish they would creep in the most excruciating way.

Years ago I've been working as volunteer at my local animal shelter and really loved it. But there were bipeds which mistreated animals and i wouldn't shut up, but tell them i wish someone would do those cruelties to them and first to their kids so that they would have to see their kids being treated like this.

If i could find a way to live in a cabin in the woods like Unabomber i would not hurt any person but every single day praise my fate for the mercy of being able to live without human contacts.

Thanks for your attention. Alaskan

By anon75285 — On Apr 06, 2010

Some of these posters need to look up "Anti-Social behavior" It's not keeping to oneself or getting mad and wanting to hurt someone who harmed you.

These people go out into society looking for victims. My family member is a charmer and always has a sob story. He hasn't had a real job in at least 15 years and has even lived outdoors.

He's even convinced one person to quit their job because he had some better work for them in another state, take out their 401k, then helped them spend it on drugs and alcohol.

He hooks up with women who are on welfare or disability so he can use what money they have or their vehicles to get where he wants to be. He has a terrible temper and beats them.

He lies constantly. He's been arrested for "no reason".

He hates my husband and me because we work and refused to give him cash or listen to his stories, but pretends to love and care about anyone who will-at least for a little while.

We avoid him at any cost. He can be laughing one second then ready to fight. He has every symptom of an anti social personality. It's gotten progressively worse since the age of around 19. He's now 38.

By anon74040 — On Mar 30, 2010

I am 21 years old and I believe I got this from my dad. he was everything about an antisocial person. he drank recklessly and had five children. there were no consequence to any of his actions.

he never held a job, abused my mother and moved impulsively, despite earning a huge settlement. he blew all the money and would have us living in homeless shelters, despite having so much money. He refused to have us a home, never held a job in his life and he doesn't show any sense of emotion. he has never shed a tear ever! you can tell him his daughter just died and he wouldn't even cry.

I am sad because I know i have the symptoms, however I believe god can break the chain. I was raised by a christian mother whom I look up to and I honestly believe in god and I love him.

I grew up hating people like my father. My whole life was ruined and I grew up crying every night trying to protect my mother from him. I even grew to the point of hating men because of him. However I know it's in my blood. I have done the same for my girlfriend. Just because you have the disorder doesn't mean you don't have a heart because to tell you guys the honest truth. I could never even hurt a fly without crying.

I care tremendously about every human on this earth, however I do distance myself because I know how much I can hurt everyone.

Half of me is this loving christian who loves god and wants to help every human leave a relationship with an antisocial person, yet the other half hates myself because I was born like this.

I have been like this since the first grade. I have no control over it however, I am aware of it and pray to god every night to be normal one day because I do have a good heart.

Sometimes I want to end all the pain I bring to myself and other people by trying to kill myself. I hate myself. I have been in the hospital for attempted suicide and I think about it every night. However, my mother told me God breaks every chain and I believe I have my mother's blood just as much as I have my father's and I believe my chains can be broken.

I love everyone around me truly and sincerely and I am truly sorry for all the pain any antisocial person has brought you including myself.

By anon72004 — On Mar 21, 2010

We live next door to a couple who both have Antisocial Personality Disorder. They have systematically used us, borrowing anything and everything they can. The more you help them the more they use you. The more they use you, the weaker they think you are.

I have witnessed cruelty to animals, violent behavior, impulsiveness, grandiose plans and spending, lack of planning, excessive noise, etc.

Overall, they have contempt for people. They go around avidly using anything and everything they can. They don't believe in the law. They are highly suspicious of anyone doing something good. They hate religion. Despise authority.

They are miserable in their lives. They are essentially a cancer to themselves and to the wider society they live in. They will manipulate any situation to their favor and they don't care who they hurt.

I have learned by the hardest of ways that these people can't be engaged with on any level.

Interact with them and they will screw you over.

They have children and never discipline them nor show them love. They don't create boundaries nor believe in them. They are lawless, have no morality and feel total contempt for anyone living a structured life.

They watch people all the time. They frequently criticize others. They never seem to be happy for long and are frequently moody. Volatile behavior is the norm.

I now know why people with ASPD should be avoided.

You can't love them, for they don't love themselves and don't know how to. How could they?

All they've ever learned from their peers is how to gain control or get screwed over.

By anon70644 — On Mar 15, 2010

My boyfriend is antisocial and I love him dearly. He has beat me up, lied to me, stole checks and forged my signature, he has even cheated on me. His personality shifts so quickly from easy going to plain mean. He has been in jail numerous times and I want him to change. He says he has but at least once a week I catch him in a lie. I don't know what else to do? Any suggestions?

I want to tell everyone that I read on here that has been neglected and abused I understand, I too was abandoned by my parents and I have been in too many abusive relationships. But I don't use that as a crutch. We are all held accountable in God's eyes for what we do and how we treat each other. God Bless.

By anon70384 — On Mar 14, 2010

The antisocial behavior in adults does not only emerge due to rudeness in adolescence, but there are many factors also such as lack of socially approved tasks, unemployment and lack of guidance can also play a role. Ghulam

By anon69316 — On Mar 07, 2010

I agree with the comment that it is unfair to advise people to avoid us "antisocials".

I was repeatedly sexually abused as a child and knew no other way than to retreat into a world of my own while i suffered silently. "Extremely selfish and self-centered"? How rude. Nobody seemed to notice or care that i became increasingly introverted and depressed. So i began to not care.

Did i do wrong things as a result of this mental disorder? Of course! Wrong things were done to me. As a child, i did not know how to cope.

Furthermore, you cannot generalize this condition by inferring that anyone and everyone who has antisocial behavior is dangerous. That is both ignorant and misleading.

I've never so much as thought about physically harming anyone (other than those idiots who harmed me). We are all shaped and molded by our experiences and environment. No two people are the same.

P.S. The owner of this page is not fully aware nor informed. He/she will only perpetuate ignorance by maintaining and sharing these generalized beliefs.

By anon66497 — On Feb 20, 2010

as someone who exhibits "Anti-social behavior", don't any of you who judge us think that there must be some reason we become this way.

I am anti-social because I've grown up in an environment where trust in people becomes low-priority. why should we care about other people, when those closest to us care nothing for us?

Personally, after my mother and father abandoned me and my brother, we moved from foster home to foster home. In all of them, the people cared little for us and physically abused us. Thus we learned care givers don't deserve trust. When we finally moved to good homes, or rather I did, my brother ran away because the physical and psychological damage was too much for him.

As someone who exhibits loner and anti-social behavior, how dare you say, "avoid the person at all costs?" Not all of us are the same. True, I limit contact with people, true I steal money from my folks to go out drinking on the weekends, true I care little for animals and such. But think from my point of view. I was abused all my life, physically in the way of hitting and slaps, my brother ran away, leaving me all alone, feeling like no one cared for me.

My friends couldn't handle my anger because my brother, family and previous friends abandoned me. So tell me, why should I trust new people? Blood family, blood siblings and "best" friends abandoned me in the past, who would you trust after that?

As an anti-social person, it would have made me really happy if someone would have showed some concern, not your advice where the advice is to "Avoid the person" or to give them the cold shoulder treatment. As "one of them", that advice one gives us anti-social people more reason to withdraw more into our shells.

I've decided to cut even more contact with the outside world because I read your advice. "Avoid the person at all costs."

If that's what you advise people here, then I will live alone for the rest of my life, because that's what you tell friends, new friends and old to do. I will no longer try and make new friends, because I know I'm an anti-social person because of past experiences and you helped me learn more about myself.

By anon60402 — On Jan 13, 2010

I think i understand your situation only too well! i am in the same situation. i have been married for 15 years, have three kids, and live far away from family and friends. i do not have a college education nor access to any money if he does not authorize it himself!

i know for a fact he has threatened me to leave me with no money if i leave him, and he can very well do it. he is very smart, and even though he is very well off, everything he owns is under someone else's name, or protected. and i am mexican! so i do not know what to do.

By anon58584 — On Jan 03, 2010

I see that i am exhibiting these traits as well. i am barely a teenager and i seem to be growing worse each day. what should i do? --scaredt

By anon55267 — On Dec 06, 2009

Avoiding people like this won't work. Because you won't be able to find when you need him or her. And therefore you got your wish and now you can't move along.

By anon53449 — On Nov 21, 2009

there are levels of the disorder. i have known about this since i was young. i've never been in jail, i never stole, i never damaged people's property and i'm well born to a family with a finance background. i never did anything to damage that too. i just can't have feelings.

love is something i don't understand, but i end up in some relationship for years and even so i never try to kill or damage people's liives. yes i may live behind relations and don't understand how sorry they are, but to relate to someone with the disorder, it depends on what level the disorder is.

There are several kinds: light, severe, secondary and on and on i have tried to have emotions not too long ago, and i tried with a guy the same as i am, but his was structural disorder, and he ended up develop what normal people call love and i didn't like his feelings so i left.

sometimes it is not a game. we after all are people who like companionship just like anyone else.

By anon43383 — On Aug 28, 2009

I have had a couple run-ins with textbook antisocial adults, and some that I are inclined to believe have this. I had no knowledge about this until I got a job at a restaurant a couple years ago, and my Sociology professor described the symptoms in our class, and I said "that sounds exactly like a guy I work with." It actually makes sense, to me now. These people, despite being pretty intelligent, choose a career where it is very easy to obtain a position of "power" over their peers. It seems they are more than happy being a wolf in a sheep's skin, and are covertly manipulative. They would rather control their own little world than contribute to the greater good of the society.

Recently I had to transfer stores, because of an unfortunate situation with a recent love interest gone wrong. There was this guy that was on my back, perniciously since the very day that I transferred there, which was the same day I requested the transfer from Human Resources. He knew who I was, undoubtedly because of my conflict with the antisocial character at the previous place, who took things too far with me and ended up getting canned. This guy is "late on a regular basis," yet the last time a manager wrote him up for his habitual lateness, they ended up being transferred a half-hour away immediately, with no actual reasoning, other than the obvious. The manager that was hired to take their place, tried doing the same thing, and shortly thereafter, the regional manager came to town to have a meeting with them, and after that they refused to participate in any conversation that had the employee's name along with the term "late" both contained. It was one of those "what are you talking about?" things, a week after they had written them up for being late without notice for the third time in one week. A few weeks ago, this guy takes my mug that I clean out and leave on a shelf in the break room at the end of every shift, and throws it away. I wanted to see if he'd make the mistake, and didn't mention the disappearance to *anyone*, and surely enough, he bit. I learned about this tendency from an old "caught on video" show when I was younger. Thieves will generally walk up to and ask a question to a store associate after pocketing something they will leave with. Sure enough, he told me "it sucks that somebody threw away your mug." I told him "that's funny, because you're the only person besides me who knows it was thrown away." He replied saying something like, "well, I just figured it was thrown away, since I haven't seen it back there in a while." He always says/asks little patronizing things, and he tries convincing me that he is stupid, not by being obtuse, but by answering my questions in a manner that make him appear to be incompetent. I'm sure these games work on some people, but not on me. The other day he changed the order of a meal I had asked for when I went home, and then came up and and told me what a good deal it was with our discount. The joke was on him though, as he changed it to something I liked, instead of the new item I had originally asked for.

I know I won't have much leverage dealing with this guy, because, like most with this disorder, he waits until there are no witnesses to attest to the things said and done, and, according to the manager who was promptly transferred, he is "personal friends" with the general manager, and he "has friends in HR" according to an ostensible comment, surely to try to intimidate me, although the evidence points to that being correct, unfortunately. It's amazing, the fact that I'm an idealist causes this filth to instantly and pervasively go on the offensive. At this point, I guess I have no choice but to let it roll off my shoulders. Hopefully the lack of response will eventually help it sink in that they are a scumbag loser, but I doubt it.

By anon40158 — On Aug 06, 2009

So far in my life (49) I have come in contact with two women with this very disorder. The only way I was in contact was because of my husband. I tried to warn him that something was wrong, but he would not listen. So one stole about $30,000 from our business. She was arrested and put in jail only to be released in about 30 minutes. She and her husband ran to another state only to do the same thing there. She stole about $30,000 from another person there. All the while her employer was going through a difficult pregnancy. She was caught and put in jail there, only to get out in a few days. Now that two states are aware of this behavior she will go to trial in two states and do a lot of prison time. (By the way, she has already done prison time for the exact same thing.) All the while she is/was stealing from her employers, she was lying about her personal life to get money, sympathy and anything else she wanted. She has two beautiful little girls that evidently she didn't even consider.

If anyone comes in contact with anyone (male/female) with this disorder, run. Do not try to help them. The very person who is being kind and understanding, and is tryig to help them is the very person who will get burned the worst. You are not their hero -- you are their next victum.

From someone who has learned from experience.

By anon38950 — On Jul 29, 2009

Boy, what is this, life time TV? It seems it's all about the guy. I have been married 15 years to this woman, and now that financial hard times have hit everybody, my sweet wife has abandoned my 17 year old step daughter and me. I always suspected she had some problems, I thought it was me. She loves animals though. But walking out on us has been a real eye-opener. I could only guess the reason why there are more posts on this topic about evil men is because the good guys are too embarrassed to talk about it. Like they say, good guys finish last. I sure wish my wife had worked with me and us for the betterment of the whole, but that requires dedication, discipline and plain old fashioned hard work. How in the hell could this country win WWII if it had the kind of women that are running around today? Must be something in the water.

By anon34406 — On Jun 22, 2009


I am very concerned for you. Isolation in itself is very difficult on an individual. I have some thoughts that may get you thinking. You may love your husband but is it a healthy love for you? Seek outside activities for yourself that will provide opportunities for your personal growth. Activities that allow you develop friendships or just personal connections that may open opportunities for work, education, or just building self-esteem so you will build your confidence to make a change in your relationship.

For example, joining school PTA and volunteering within a school can lead to awareness of becoming a substitute teacher. Helping in the local library gives you many opportunities to opened doors for employment and education. There are a multitude of financial assistance to families with low income and I believe you would be very surprised that you could tap into a year or two program and walk into a good job.

Is there a local community college close enough that you could get training there for minimal cost? What are your interests? Get involved in local churches and seek out their classes. Churches are often offering growth classes that will help you build yourself and make friendships for support. Plus taking your kids will provide them more opportunities to find support. You have access to a computer- there are many ways you can tap into resources like local health programs that can help you find support for what you are experiencing.

You need to find a way to build your esteem through outside people because as you stated your partner is not going to do this for you and to make change for yourself it takes strength. You can succeed. He has to make his own change. Work on you and your kids while being loving. But remember even doing simple things can make a start for you such as taking daily walks alone and with your children can increase your esteem. Best wishes to you.

Just a friend.

By sf618 — On Jun 13, 2009

response: hiddenlove

sounds like a normal teenager. If not, where there is more to this then someone should take notice at the school.

By hiddenlove — On Jun 12, 2009

Reply to: sf618

Thanks for your response. But I only hope that he will one day stop breaking the school rules and challenging the teacher.

By sf618 — On Jun 12, 2009

Response to (hiddenlove)

What you have learned about him should only affect (good or bad) your relationship with him. You don't have the right to go around "warning" people, especially those who are his friends. Maybe his friends already know and just have decided not to make it a topic of gossip. Besides, if at first you didn't believe it, what makes you think that those close to him that don't know, will?

You can't "cure" him. Maybe he likes the way he is. Maybe he doesn't but the only way he can modify his behavior is by getting help on his own. I don't know what's wrong with some people that they are drawn to those who are (damaged) or harmful or have this driven need to "fix" someone when their aide hasn't been requested. You said that you wanted to tell his friends "so they won't suffer from his unkind way of treating them" again, if he is being mean or cruel to them and if they stay in the friendship or continue to keep him close that's their business. Do what's good for you, for you. Not what you feel is right for others.

By hiddenlove — On Jun 12, 2009

I have a classmate who claims that he has such a behavior and after I read this, I feel that what he said is true. I was actually shocked when I knew it as I had always thought he is a almost perfect person. Now, I don't really know what I should do as I have once loved him. Also, I am not sure if I should tell his friends about his behavior as I don't wish that his friends will suffer from his unkind way of treating them. Can I have some advice on this and maybe some ways of curing him?

By dwtlst — On Jun 08, 2009

I have been in a 3-year relationship with someone who exhibits symptoms of antisocial personality. I didn't realize what the problem was until I read an article on the subject. I'm beginning to feel like I'm the crazy one, because he does things that most normal people would not do. He seems to have no compassion for me or anyone else. He can go from "I love you" one minute, to "get the ---- out of my house" the next. It keeps me torn up emotionally. He has an ability to lie at the drop of a hat, and he becomes a total monster when I point out that I have proof that he has lied about something. He has an insatiable appetite for unusual sex and seems to be obsessed. I feel like I am going crazy. To other people, almost exclusively women, he is charming and witty, and they have no idea of his violent outbursts and odd behaviors. He has no male friends, but he has many female friends, most of whom have bad reputations. We argue frequently about his continued association with those female friends, and he seems to be willing to give up our relationship rather than give up his women friends. He very, very seldom has feelings for animals, and he is often very cruel to his own dog. He has beaten his dog to the point that it passed out. His favorite activity is hunting, and he loves the thrill of killing animals. I am very seriously in need of advice. I love him dearly, but I am beginning to question my own sanity. I have never been around someone like him before, and I don't know what to do. Should I leave him or try to help him?

Thank you so much.

By anon33379 — On Jun 05, 2009

I think I have this disorder, is there anything I can do about it?

By anon25925 — On Feb 05, 2009

hi, i wanted to ask anyone who knows about this anti social. i have a friend who wants me to be more than a friend to him i don't know how to tell him no because i just recently found out he has this disorder what do i do?

thank you for your answers.

By anon23144 — On Dec 17, 2008

Once the emotional damage has been done, the trust is gone and the option to try to help these manipulative people is hopeless. You can't lead a horse to water if it doesn't want to drink. If these people admit that they have a problem and want help, then change can occur, but until then there is no hope. I have had compassion until I got burned!

By anon22698 — On Dec 08, 2008

After reading these reviews, I feel disappointed. I am currently with someone who has this disorder and guess what, he's actually discovered he needs help. Granted it took him having a blackout and attacking me, but still, he's shown me that there IS something inside him that realizes that he needs to do something to help himself.

Maybe he's an abnormality to this mental condition, but I just can't believe that pretty much everyone on here has said that instead of showing compassion, that the course of action when dealing with people with this disability is to shun the people.

Heck, of all the things to help him? My daughter! So all you people saying to keep their children away? Just remember this: Everyone is different, no two people with the same disease/condition are alike!

I myself have got enough mental issues to fill a text-book, but I have also spent several years getting help, and am on medication.

My advice (as a person who has a very similar condition to this) to people who are having to deal with people with this problem is this:

-If you can help them without harming yourself or your loved ones, help them!

-If you can help them get help, then you've just made your world, and theirs better by one little tiny bit.

-If you can't help them, then at least point them in the right direction...but don't shun/avoid them!

By anon22493 — On Dec 04, 2008

I met a gal in which we had a lot in common. As I allowed her to get closer to me and I pursued the friendship because I wanted her to replace my sister at an emotional level. She knew that. The thing is that I knew that she was a manipulator, very selfish and self centered, but I wanted to believe the best in her and see some sort of good from her. I don't believe any good to come out of this girl. She eventually betrayed my trust and friendship by committing identity theft against me and was able to manipulate and lie her way out of getting caught by the authorities. Somehow justifying what she did was okay. I also later found out that she forged another friend's signature on pregnancy paperwork to falsify a pregnancy to avoid from getting deployed to Iraq. She has admitted to me that she will do 'anything' to get what she wants and no one will find out. This didn't click to me until she was committing felonies. What is sad is that the authorities enable this type of behavior when they do not hold her accountable for her actions. I have reported her 'crimes' to the authorities and they do not seem to care. She is now starting a 'new life' with different friends in another state. She seems to move on, manipulating, lying, stealing and leaching off other victims before they realize the type of person she really is and the damage is done. She is very charming and outgoing, but it was very hard to get close to her on an deep or emotional level and she dictated/manipulated the friendship. I was ready to back out of the friendship and did but life threatening circumstances brought the friendship back together, maybe there was hope of a real friendship, but her narcissistic belief entitled her to do whatever she wants when she wants to with no conscience. She held her tears back when her grandma was dying and the sinful life she knew that she was living. Wow, she freaked out when she gets caught cheating on her significant other, stealing, driving drunk, committing felonies and the angel halo came out temporarily. But when she was able to lie and manipulate her way out of the situation, she became more confident with no remorse in the damage she does in other peoples lives. When she didn't want to be your friend anymore, how quickly she could cut you off and move on. Will she ever get caught and be held accountable?

By anon19097 — On Oct 06, 2008

only patience is the medicine of this problem

By atpeace316 — On Sep 24, 2008

Hi, I think I need advice. I was married to a drug addict and he was very antisocial to his family. He didn't support his family either. He eventually died. I had learned a lot from this relationship. I thought I knew what to watch out for. I met my new husband and he was so charming and loving. He still is very loving to me, but to my son he is very negative. He is compulsive when it comes to money. He has no regard for paying bills. He owes so much to a lot of places. He told me I didn't have to work, that he would provide for me. I feel conned because I have health issues and no insurance. He won't stay with a job. I keep going over and over in my mind the negatives and the positives in this relationship. He lies about everything and it doesn't seem to bother him. He is liar on the spot. But then I am finding things out in a deceiving nosy way. I go through his papers and read his e mails. I feel I am dishonest too by doing this. I just want a good life and have been hurt so bad in the past. Now I am scared I will be hurt again. I have three wonderful kids and I am very close to them. My hubbie is estranged from his kids. But of course he didn't do anything wrong. He never does. He is slowly changing to when we have disagreements, it is my fault. But he is still very loving towards me most of the time.

By anon18323 — On Sep 19, 2008

I am 60 years old. As children my older sister lied, stole, started fires but always blamed me so I was punished, not her. She constantly tried to kill me but no one believed me, particularly the teachers. They laughed at me. They said I had an over-active imagination. They saw sibling rivalry.

My parents knew but they protected her not me or my younger brother whom she killed. She lived at home with them, never working, sponging off of them until she killed them.

Just this year I was so happy when she was incarcerated in an out-of-state mental hospital. She picked the wrong state to move to. It was almost like, in a perverse way, I told you so.

Do NOT protect the anti-social individual. Do not cover up their behavior. Get her/him treatment NOW and escape.

I found a book written by Lundy Bancroft called Why Does HE do that which I found most helpful, I just substituted she for he.

By sf618 — On Sep 14, 2008

I'm a psychopath. I know there are different kinds as I can tell instantly when I see another and I know when they are like me or the more violent type. I like to stay to myself and mind my own business but for the other kind. Stay away. This almost coming from the horses mouth. I know what motivates them. I know what they are thinking. I know exactly what they are fantasizing about and the moment you break the cycle you are completing in the relationship, once he feels betrayed or abandoned by you (imagined or not) then all hell breaks lose. You can't fix him. You can't love him enough to change because that's not what he wants. It's a game. And yes, he says he loves you but it's for as long as you are completing the cycle and eventually your usefulness will wear out. If you have children, especially children get away!

By anon16988 — On Aug 19, 2008

i have recently discovered that i myself am one of 'these people' and i hate myself for it. im no psychiatrist but i truly believe that i adopted this behavior disorder from my dad in which im turning out to be a spitting image of. but the truth is even though i know this (or think i do), there doesn't seem to be anything i can do or tell myself that will change the way i am.

i lied to my friends, cheated on my wife and have often done reckless, immoral things that harm me and those around me. the consequence? so far i've lost *all* my close friends, bankrupted myself, am disowned by part of my family and live a very unfulfilling life.

living with this disorder is so hard. i find myself not able to connect with the social norm. i wish i was ignorant of it so that at least i would have some bliss but i am very aware and can't control myself.

reading some of the posts here and i see there r those who live with people such a disorder. well if you're married to one of them, leave them for the sake of your kids. my mom finally made the decision to leave my dad only when me and my siblings were all grown up. she said she didn't want to leave him when we were young because she didn't want us growing up without a father. that was her mistake because my dad refused to work. he'd work a job for weeks to a month and quit. my mom was the bread winner so naturally she left us kids to the care of my dad and *look at what a great job he did* the only good thing that came out of my dads parenting is my older brother who despised my dads ways enough to move out as soon as he was financially able (sometime in high school) and got himself a bachelors degree in business on his own. i wasn't so lucky.

my dad is quite something. arrogant, ignorant, verbally abusive, physically abusive (over the littlest things like eating a meal too slowly - which resulted in my face being pushed down into the soup bowl) and etc! he was or is a problem gambler, lost a ton of money my mom brought home and showed little remorse for his actions.

everything i have just described about my father has been passed down to me, minus the physically abuse and arrogant part but what he has passed down is enough to make me hate life. so why am i here posting this? no idea. i guess this is part of my antisocial way.

By anon16717 — On Aug 13, 2008

anyone in a relationship with someone who has this disorder, should do whatever they have to to get out. no job skills? go to the library & get books that will update skills, then go to college & take a test to get credit for what you have learned through life. (testing out). try to find a mentor in your career of choice, try an apprenticeship somewhere. where there's a will, there's a way!!!! the worst thing you can do is take the 'victim' role!!! when you have done all these steps, then get out!!!!! for your own mental health & safety!!!!

By anon16338 — On Aug 03, 2008

I just recently found that a new acquaintance had this same behavior. I have since ended the relationship. He has a daughter that he is completely smothering. She has no outside interests other than those he is interested in. He too punished her severely for minute issues. I feel really bad for her. He was often snide when faced with any kind of adverse situation. At first I dismissed it as a defense mechanism. But soon realized that he was a sociopath! I am so glad to be away from him. I was constantly irritable and didn't realize it was him that was getting on my nerves!

By purpletaz — On Apr 01, 2008

I have just recently left a very toxic marriage to a man who refuses to work, parent his child or to treat me with at least a modicum of respect. He refused to show up in court (several times) for the divorce hearing, so I have alimony ordered. He cleaned out my bank account, sold my furniture which was in storage, and everything else he could sell. He refused to pay alimony or meet any of the terms of the divorce. He went to jail for three months, agreed to financial terms when released, but has yet to honor any of those obligation, including any alimony. If I did not hand over my hard earned money, he stole my checks and forged my name to cash them-or ran up charges on my credit card. The authorities say he had this right, even though he never earned a dime. He tells everyone that I am "an evil woman" and always portrays himself as the victim. While this was going on, he has renewed a relationship with an old high school girlfriend. She did not know about me and I did not know of her. He has conned her, too, financially and emotionally. Do I count my blessings and forget the alimony or keep on trying? My sense of caring is also telling me that I should at least do something to put an end to his victimizing this latest woman, before she too ends up broke, homeless, and unemployed as he did me.

By anon9911 — On Mar 16, 2008

Take your kids and get out. don't you see that you have become the "toy"...or the "tool".....better yet, you are a total victim. this was the plan all along. His plan has worked. After all, that's what "these people" need, a victim. for you to actually say 'I'm stuck"....says it all. Money, things, accounts....whatever, all these things are material. people living under bridges are probably more happy than you, and are probably more safe than your kids are. get out before he realizes a more harmful plan.

By oldfriend — On Feb 08, 2008


My husband of 17 years has become more and more anti-social. He is aggressive, verbally abusive, avoids eye-contact, has no hobbies outside the house, prone to road rage every time he gets in the car, punishes the kids for small things (ex: 2 weeks grounding for dropping a plastic spoon), dislikes everyone, etc. You get the picture.

The fact is that I love him and think he needs help. He would be unwilling to admit there is a problem and would be unwilling, I think, to take medication.

The kids are intimated, and I suppose, after 17 years, so am I.

Lots of people would say: "Why don't you just leave?" Here's the thing: We've moved around so much in 17 years that my vocational skills are outdated. I do not have a college degree. I am not authorized access to the bank accounts i.e., not even a debit card. We live thousands of miles from any family. In effect, I'm stuck.

What to do. What to do.

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